True Love

I was inspired by a friend of a friend to write again on this blog...her name is Kallie and she's going through a hard time right about now. The best way to describe it is a heart torn in two...

I don't know Kallie, but she did something for me. She showed me, just through her blog posts, that I am not alone. I am not the only one who wonders at her brokenness and is searching for a way to move forward. I have truly been healed beyond my capacity to tell in the last few months since school started...but there is far to go.

I feel far from God...or maybe its just that our relationship has changed. I feel sometimes that my life is too full--I don't know where He fits. And I want to know that. But then I realize that it is in every moment that I find Him alive and living in me. I don't spend an hour a day alone to read His word in the midst of nature (my favorite!) but I spend four hours with Him at kindergarten, nine a week at school, four at tutoring (I don't have a tutor, I tutor other kids--that was a joke) and He makes Himself known in all the other bits and pieces of my life: chilling with roommates, worshipping, doing homework.....

And though this season feels different than the others did, I find it is enough. It isn't what I do that pleases God...its my heart. I make mistakes and I sometimes feel like I waste my time or do the wrong thing or am useless, but all that falls away when He bends close. Its those moments, just me and Him, where I see the world fall away and all that matters is the look in His eye. And though I would tell you that I'm not worth much...not even loved by anyone special...that look in His eye tells me different.

See, we weren't made for just earthly love, oh no! There's so much more, so much precious treasure! Earthly love can and does grow cold...only an eternal heart flame stays bright forever. I thought I'd missed out--but I think I've just fallen into the midst of a bigger, brighter love than all that I had hoped for. Isn't it funny? My Jesus loves me...