Wellllll...
...our bags have been packed.
...flights rebooked.
...prayers spoken (and those unspoken).
...team ready.
We had a time of intercession today that reminded me again why I am doing what I do. It can feel strange and be very uncomfortable, giving up your life for something people can't see. I mean, working for money--and giving your life to that--makes sense to tons of people because its exactly what they're doing. People enjoy understanding why you do what you do: they want to know the motivations. Was it for love? For family? To bring peace? To continue your studies? People like having labels and ideas and reasons for the way that you are and what you do: and when you don't fit into their reality--in fact, mess with their reality and how they see the world functioning--they get very uncomfortable. Sometimes they even lash out at you.
That's what happened to the five missionaries who died in Ecuador. I read their story again this last week--it was the first book on missions I ever encountered--and what struck me reading it this time was not their courage or well thought through plans or even their death: what struck me was how they lived and the legacy they left behind.
None of them was very impressive. I am fairly sure all had college degrees and left behind wives and small children. They had given up almost everything to be out in the middle of the jungle, which most people would applaud (or disdain). But then they took it a step further and chose to go after a tribe no one else had been successful at reaching--in fact, efforts to reach these people had been so unsuccessful that almost no one lived to tell the tale. But something drove them on...
There is a love that lives in the heart of God that goes beyond all of our human sensibilities and every sense of justice we possess. It is so fathomless and beyond our senses as to be incomprehensible. Every once in a while we encounter it--in an act of forgiveness or a friend giving his life for another--and it astounds us. The very fact that it exists leaves us breathless. "May we never lose our wonder" I think we can sing this song over and over again because we--when we see Him as He is, the God-man who died so bluntly and brutally for us--the very choice, apart from the actual act--that God would choose us over Himself and choose to love us is beyond our realm.
And as we follow Him, we go beyond our realm. There is no reason for me to go to India. There was no reason for those five missionaries to reach out to the hateful, killing Aucas. But they were urged on by wonder and the reality that to be with God is the final destination and all we really want in this life.
I was reminded again today--and overwhelmed--by the grief mixed with longing that accompanies each human soul as they travel this clod of dirt. It may sound dramatic, but it's true: your soul was made for glory, made to be known by its Creator and when the reality is that you are separated--from before your birth--it creates so much chaos and pain and insignificance that was never meant to be there, never meant to be a part of the human soul.
But there it is...and we're all familiar with it. And Jesus stepped in: into the middle of dirty, fragile, broken Earth and choose to be with humanity: walking in the dirty streets (hello, no indoor plumbing!), eating our food, watching us hurt one another and be hurt in return...and He loved.
When I think of what he gave up and how He choose to come so far for me (leaving heaven's throne and all its glories!) me going to India is no big deal. I count it no privilege: and yet, it is one, because I get to join Him there. He paid every price for me to be near Him, to be His co-heir, to be filled with spiritual blessings and to know His love. And I copy Him as I go in the midst of people--little caring for their reaction, as He and His love are always enough for me--and am with them, choosing to love where they hurt, seeing them with His eyes and choosing to display His love.
If you have any thoughts and prayers for us as we travel, may they be directed toward the hearts of His people who just don't know Him yet. His love goes with us, dwelling in and around us as we interact as a team. That we will have unity, spiritual blessings of hope and joy to surround us and that we may keep seeing that country through His eyes. There is such beauty in those eyes and they are so longing to look on His people...may we never lose the wonder.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Shining Forth Time!
This is the beginning of the end of this part of our journey.
We have almost completed our time here in Northern Ireland: half our school leaves tomorrow for India and the rest leave this coming Wednesday. We're dealing with the loss in our various ways and trying to spend as much time together as possible, which means that this girl has seen a lot of nights end at 2AM--not my norm. But for the love of those I leave, I stay up, throwing socks at one another or playing ping pong and always talking.
I think that's what I love most about DTS and crave to have as always a huge part of my life: these really deep talks about anything or nothing. We're such a funny group, especially the four girls I have grown closest too: we're either super serious or absolutely ridiculous, with no in-between. We four went on a walk up the mountain today and one moment we were discussing our separation and the fact that we would be in India soon and the next moment we were hitting each other with pine branches, then dancing around and singing. It was a wild wooly, wonderful walk through the whispering pines...
Ireland is winter is an ever changing thing. This morning I woke up to bright California-esque sunshine--so bright and clear that it hurt. This is in direct contrast to the normal foggy landscape. I once had someone describe marriage--or at least seeing your spouse--in these terms: you find someone who, when you see them clearly, you know you want to invest in and move them toward all that God has made them to be: the mountain they're made for. You keep this clear picture in your mind, even on the days when it is shrouded in fog and you can't see at all who they were called to be: it's full of noise and disconnection and diapers and all the things that must be done and you can't help yelling at one another...to pull back and remember that this is not all that they are, but only who they are showing forth that day.
I was reminded of this today, as fog began rolling in in the afternoon and it almost seemed, as you stared through a wall of fog at a mountain now only visible as an outline, that sunshine never was. That all you saw was only an illusion and that the reality is that fog is, has been and always will be the reality. It is so easy to get depressed when you let this 'reality' sink in and forget what you were made for.
But so many people make this choice: their lives get filled up with the mundane glories and they begin to think that this is all that ever was or could be or could be made of their lives.
I want to live my life defying that.
I want to remember, not just who my spouse (whoever that may be) is and will become, but more importantly, who Christ is and what He will do in the middle of my life. When prophecy is clear and I am speaking truth over myself and have people around me who build into me and see clearly the potential in my life, it's like beautiful, bright California sunshine on me. I can see who I am and what I am made for and where I fit in the midst of all these shifting cogs. But life is not always like this: life is not a DTS, where almost everyone is in hot-footed pursuit of the Lord and Jesus becomes the word we speak most and all we are centered on. Sometimes you are in the middle of ick and pain and begrudging chores and you have to remember and set your gaze again, over and over.
That's what we're doing, in going on this next phase of our DTS. We are spending our time and money and lives believing what Jesus said and choosing to copy Him as we preach good news to the poor, set the oppressed free and release those who are prisoners. We will be walking out what we have been talking about as we bind up the brokenhearted, as we stop for one person and ask them who they are and how they are doing and whether they have ever heard of the man who gave everything for them.
Life is funny and weird and doesn't make sense: and if you get lost in the ocean fog's roll and lose your way, it can seem impossible for a time to get back on track. I have had my days where all hope was lost and I needed an anchor--the mountain which reminded me of who I was and why God would want me and who he was in relation to me was nothing more than a mere shadow, easy to ignore. But then: He kept showing Himself faithful. He, the one who truly did love me and gave Himself for me, spoke directly into my life, gave me strength which sustained me through difficult growing seasons and did not allow my little boat to capsize. Then he called me out onto the water...all the way to Northern Ireland...and clear sunshine has been my joy for the last few months.
I am so excited for this next part, a new beginning, where we learn how to be life and community to one another and search out Christ's face on another continent. His face may be shrouded at times for us there as we go through difficulty, but never for long. And then...
May we never lose the wonder.
DTS will end--and life will go on. But...just as every day when I look outside and see where God has put me--finally a green, growing place where the garden of my soul can come to life again--so Christ is also truly and fully alive in me, a mountain of hope and promise that will never end. I am caught up always in the wonder of a God who saw me through the foggy difficulties and never let go of me--even brought me forth into the beauty of His holiness, a place where I commune with Him face to face. I am consumed, hopeful, joyous in the radiance of this God for who nothing is impossible and who will see me all the way through my journey, until death comes to life.
Death comes to life...
So, for now, as our Lecture Phase ends and we move forward into the dark world that can be India, we know fully this truth, this song we always sing from Galatians 4:4-7: We're no longer slaves to fear, we are the children of God.
Children of God, shine forth! as stars in the universe...or India! Haha
We have almost completed our time here in Northern Ireland: half our school leaves tomorrow for India and the rest leave this coming Wednesday. We're dealing with the loss in our various ways and trying to spend as much time together as possible, which means that this girl has seen a lot of nights end at 2AM--not my norm. But for the love of those I leave, I stay up, throwing socks at one another or playing ping pong and always talking.
I think that's what I love most about DTS and crave to have as always a huge part of my life: these really deep talks about anything or nothing. We're such a funny group, especially the four girls I have grown closest too: we're either super serious or absolutely ridiculous, with no in-between. We four went on a walk up the mountain today and one moment we were discussing our separation and the fact that we would be in India soon and the next moment we were hitting each other with pine branches, then dancing around and singing. It was a wild wooly, wonderful walk through the whispering pines...
Ireland is winter is an ever changing thing. This morning I woke up to bright California-esque sunshine--so bright and clear that it hurt. This is in direct contrast to the normal foggy landscape. I once had someone describe marriage--or at least seeing your spouse--in these terms: you find someone who, when you see them clearly, you know you want to invest in and move them toward all that God has made them to be: the mountain they're made for. You keep this clear picture in your mind, even on the days when it is shrouded in fog and you can't see at all who they were called to be: it's full of noise and disconnection and diapers and all the things that must be done and you can't help yelling at one another...to pull back and remember that this is not all that they are, but only who they are showing forth that day.
I was reminded of this today, as fog began rolling in in the afternoon and it almost seemed, as you stared through a wall of fog at a mountain now only visible as an outline, that sunshine never was. That all you saw was only an illusion and that the reality is that fog is, has been and always will be the reality. It is so easy to get depressed when you let this 'reality' sink in and forget what you were made for.
But so many people make this choice: their lives get filled up with the mundane glories and they begin to think that this is all that ever was or could be or could be made of their lives.
I want to live my life defying that.
I want to remember, not just who my spouse (whoever that may be) is and will become, but more importantly, who Christ is and what He will do in the middle of my life. When prophecy is clear and I am speaking truth over myself and have people around me who build into me and see clearly the potential in my life, it's like beautiful, bright California sunshine on me. I can see who I am and what I am made for and where I fit in the midst of all these shifting cogs. But life is not always like this: life is not a DTS, where almost everyone is in hot-footed pursuit of the Lord and Jesus becomes the word we speak most and all we are centered on. Sometimes you are in the middle of ick and pain and begrudging chores and you have to remember and set your gaze again, over and over.
That's what we're doing, in going on this next phase of our DTS. We are spending our time and money and lives believing what Jesus said and choosing to copy Him as we preach good news to the poor, set the oppressed free and release those who are prisoners. We will be walking out what we have been talking about as we bind up the brokenhearted, as we stop for one person and ask them who they are and how they are doing and whether they have ever heard of the man who gave everything for them.
Life is funny and weird and doesn't make sense: and if you get lost in the ocean fog's roll and lose your way, it can seem impossible for a time to get back on track. I have had my days where all hope was lost and I needed an anchor--the mountain which reminded me of who I was and why God would want me and who he was in relation to me was nothing more than a mere shadow, easy to ignore. But then: He kept showing Himself faithful. He, the one who truly did love me and gave Himself for me, spoke directly into my life, gave me strength which sustained me through difficult growing seasons and did not allow my little boat to capsize. Then he called me out onto the water...all the way to Northern Ireland...and clear sunshine has been my joy for the last few months.
I am so excited for this next part, a new beginning, where we learn how to be life and community to one another and search out Christ's face on another continent. His face may be shrouded at times for us there as we go through difficulty, but never for long. And then...
May we never lose the wonder.
DTS will end--and life will go on. But...just as every day when I look outside and see where God has put me--finally a green, growing place where the garden of my soul can come to life again--so Christ is also truly and fully alive in me, a mountain of hope and promise that will never end. I am caught up always in the wonder of a God who saw me through the foggy difficulties and never let go of me--even brought me forth into the beauty of His holiness, a place where I commune with Him face to face. I am consumed, hopeful, joyous in the radiance of this God for who nothing is impossible and who will see me all the way through my journey, until death comes to life.
Death comes to life...
So, for now, as our Lecture Phase ends and we move forward into the dark world that can be India, we know fully this truth, this song we always sing from Galatians 4:4-7: We're no longer slaves to fear, we are the children of God.
Children of God, shine forth! as stars in the universe...or India! Haha
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Standing in the Middle of the Street
I've never stared at the blank place where blog pages begin for so long before...I even want to escape it, not put into words the feelings and thoughts pinging through me but the feeling is there, maybe the one that comes to every writer, but I know it especially as mine: that feeling of words in me pelting at my brain until they are put into a proper form, for others to read--even if that other is only ever me. I can't keep in what is happening in this mind of mine, there's something here that God or whoever directs this crazy world is forcing me to push forward.
haha...so here we are, you (hopefully) captive audience and I a lonely artist toiling away--but this is the work that I could pour the rest of my life and perhaps more into, so this will come forth, a spring of words that hopefully becomes more than just marks on a page, bringing forth light and hope and maybe a bit more of an understanding of this crazy God who loved so much that He would choose to save a whole world by the death of His Son: it's a wild story and it will never make sense.
I'm learning to live again and see life where death was, but it doesn't take away from what happened before. There are moments--such as a few minutes ago--where something triggers a flashback. I was playing a normal game with a group of people and started to get so agitated...and I didn't know why. The game involved a lot of shouting and we were in two teams so you were pitted against each other and after playing for an hour I couldn't stand it anymore. It was so frustrating to be stuck in that place. I went to my room afterward and cried, trying to figure out what it was that had me so agitated. And I realized it was this: disharmony was starting to build in the room as the game went on and people were shouting to each other and though I knew I was safe and that no one was really mad, it triggered something (you've had this happen to you). You were fine and then you get put into a certain set of circumstances and you react--for me, the shouting and atmosphere we had created as a team as we played felt very much like how it felt when my family would fight together. I knew, mentally, that it was a different situation, but subconsciously I was prepared for and acting as though I were in that situation again. Everyone else was having fun playing the game and I was just trying to survive it.
We live broken. We try so hard to put our lives together and make enough money and run our lives well--and we all have places and situations and people that create this tension in us that we want to escape. Each human is so complicated and bent and broken, each with their own story and hang ups and lostness--we are able to see the similarities and celebrate them but at the end of the day, only God alone and yourself know why you are the way you are and how you operate There is a loneliness in being you that, if you never learn to interact with your Creator, will never subside. The feeling that only you are you--and that is wonderful and your unique voice is needed and life, the life that is life inside of you, is good and needed and brings even more life as (hopefully) you reflect this God who loves and loved to create you but...
I'm learning that life is constant pushing forward against the tide which keeps us all separate, a constant realignment with the truth you know about yourself, who you are, your situation. There have been moments this week when I have felt so alone...such as standing on the street last night, holding a bucket, standing there in the dark trying to collect money from strangers. (We were fundraising to get money for our sponsor trainees--students who come to our Discipleship Training School from third world countries). It was weird to stand there in the dark and face the onslaught...
It's where we all stand when we are without hope. We are all the kids on a corner, holding out an empty bucket, hoping that those who go by will see us, stop and choose to toss in a few coins. It is strange to be faced with the stark reality of a human soul on a cold Irish night: that we are all traveling together toward what we don't understand, all trying to cope with what the world has placed in us or thrown at us or refused to give us.
We all are completely without a clue.
But then I came home--threw off everything that had been keeping me warm, but also kept me from being close--and was enfolded again in this family that I have gotten to adopt in these last months. And to be out of the cold...and known...and accepted even! Those are the moments in life that fill you with such joy and peace in believing.
Because we may have started out our lives as orphans, separated from God and each other, just standing there staring into the lights hoping to create a life from what others can hand us--but then, suddenly, someone takes our hand and we look up and find a Father--and He's so good! He leads us home, lets us into the front door and shows us the family we were always created to be in the middle of.
It's like the story of Cosette from Les Miserables, the girl poorly taken care of by innkeepers who was suddenly taken care of and brought into family. This is her song, sung right before he comes to her rescue after her mother's death:
There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a room that's full of toys.
There are a hundred boys and girls.
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says, "Cosette, I love you very much."
I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
We all pray to find our castle on a cloud, and when we do find it ...well, that's salvation. That's the miracle of being whisked away from the street and all that would hurt you and finding that you have a life to be lived: right in front of you, given to you by Him and full of much more joy and hope and possibilities than anything you could have created yourself.
So here we are...parts of our street life still breaking in and causing us pain as we remember where we have been and still live out life as well as we can, constantly crying out as He allows us; but overall, hope found and enough strength in His arms to carry us through whatever this life may throw, scream or dance us into.
He's enough--and so is His rescue.
Love is enough.
haha...so here we are, you (hopefully) captive audience and I a lonely artist toiling away--but this is the work that I could pour the rest of my life and perhaps more into, so this will come forth, a spring of words that hopefully becomes more than just marks on a page, bringing forth light and hope and maybe a bit more of an understanding of this crazy God who loved so much that He would choose to save a whole world by the death of His Son: it's a wild story and it will never make sense.
I'm learning to live again and see life where death was, but it doesn't take away from what happened before. There are moments--such as a few minutes ago--where something triggers a flashback. I was playing a normal game with a group of people and started to get so agitated...and I didn't know why. The game involved a lot of shouting and we were in two teams so you were pitted against each other and after playing for an hour I couldn't stand it anymore. It was so frustrating to be stuck in that place. I went to my room afterward and cried, trying to figure out what it was that had me so agitated. And I realized it was this: disharmony was starting to build in the room as the game went on and people were shouting to each other and though I knew I was safe and that no one was really mad, it triggered something (you've had this happen to you). You were fine and then you get put into a certain set of circumstances and you react--for me, the shouting and atmosphere we had created as a team as we played felt very much like how it felt when my family would fight together. I knew, mentally, that it was a different situation, but subconsciously I was prepared for and acting as though I were in that situation again. Everyone else was having fun playing the game and I was just trying to survive it.
We live broken. We try so hard to put our lives together and make enough money and run our lives well--and we all have places and situations and people that create this tension in us that we want to escape. Each human is so complicated and bent and broken, each with their own story and hang ups and lostness--we are able to see the similarities and celebrate them but at the end of the day, only God alone and yourself know why you are the way you are and how you operate There is a loneliness in being you that, if you never learn to interact with your Creator, will never subside. The feeling that only you are you--and that is wonderful and your unique voice is needed and life, the life that is life inside of you, is good and needed and brings even more life as (hopefully) you reflect this God who loves and loved to create you but...
I'm learning that life is constant pushing forward against the tide which keeps us all separate, a constant realignment with the truth you know about yourself, who you are, your situation. There have been moments this week when I have felt so alone...such as standing on the street last night, holding a bucket, standing there in the dark trying to collect money from strangers. (We were fundraising to get money for our sponsor trainees--students who come to our Discipleship Training School from third world countries). It was weird to stand there in the dark and face the onslaught...
It's where we all stand when we are without hope. We are all the kids on a corner, holding out an empty bucket, hoping that those who go by will see us, stop and choose to toss in a few coins. It is strange to be faced with the stark reality of a human soul on a cold Irish night: that we are all traveling together toward what we don't understand, all trying to cope with what the world has placed in us or thrown at us or refused to give us.
We all are completely without a clue.
But then I came home--threw off everything that had been keeping me warm, but also kept me from being close--and was enfolded again in this family that I have gotten to adopt in these last months. And to be out of the cold...and known...and accepted even! Those are the moments in life that fill you with such joy and peace in believing.
Because we may have started out our lives as orphans, separated from God and each other, just standing there staring into the lights hoping to create a life from what others can hand us--but then, suddenly, someone takes our hand and we look up and find a Father--and He's so good! He leads us home, lets us into the front door and shows us the family we were always created to be in the middle of.
It's like the story of Cosette from Les Miserables, the girl poorly taken care of by innkeepers who was suddenly taken care of and brought into family. This is her song, sung right before he comes to her rescue after her mother's death:
There is a castle on a cloud,
I like to go there in my sleep,
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a room that's full of toys.
There are a hundred boys and girls.
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
There is a lady all in white,
Holds me and sings a lullaby,
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,
She says, "Cosette, I love you very much."
I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
We all pray to find our castle on a cloud, and when we do find it ...well, that's salvation. That's the miracle of being whisked away from the street and all that would hurt you and finding that you have a life to be lived: right in front of you, given to you by Him and full of much more joy and hope and possibilities than anything you could have created yourself.
So here we are...parts of our street life still breaking in and causing us pain as we remember where we have been and still live out life as well as we can, constantly crying out as He allows us; but overall, hope found and enough strength in His arms to carry us through whatever this life may throw, scream or dance us into.
He's enough--and so is His rescue.
Love is enough.
Saturday, December 5, 2015
His Life in You?
Here I am
Down on my knees again
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst
I surrender
I surrender
I want to know You more
I want to know You more
There are moments when the world hits you: the infinite possibility of your time and place are in sharp focus. You're not sure exactly how to move forward, but you know that to do so is all you want to do and that anything is possible from this place.
It's the moment where H O P E is born.
We're in a season when all that could come to pass has come to pass. A Bridegroom came for His Bride. Death came to life. All that you imagined is possible and all that the enemy of your soul has lied to you about for the past ___ years has been eradicated: because Jesus came. Because a virgin gave birth. Because a cross took all the blows and a teenager took care of God and a whole Kingdom lies before us, just waiting...for you to enter in.
I am not much, but I am something because Christ beholds me.
He sees the place where I've been, the place where I'm going and who I am meant to be much more clearly than I could ever imagine.
His love goes beyond the stars and is literally holding this world from blasting apart.
And I am no different from every infinitesimal, infinite block of clay who God breathed to life.
But there is a choice to be made: we can look God in the face and call Him a liar, defending ourselves with dead babies and famine and all the rest of the unspeakable horrors that daily affect this small blue ball we call heaven. Or we can choose to keep looking Him in the face, beholding this world and joining in the pain that He must feel as He observes those He loves more than life (oh, how He proved it on the Cross!) and the pain they cause and go through as they go spinning through this crazy planet.
Either way, it will break you. You cannot live with any sort of awareness of this world--especially now that we have become global, each in each other's pockets--and see people, really, as they are and as they suffer without having your heart shatter to pieces. You cannot really love and remain unchanged: in this way we completely reflect Christ.
There are many who see but never perceive, who never choose into love, into being aware of the other. For these, the world is simply a little dirtier in places--they have not entered into the pain and suffering, they have not loved as the Christ did (oh, to be completely there with our fellow human beings! to see them as they are, with all that they carry and all that poisons them and the pain that cripples and to choose to enter in and be with and even heal--this is how Jesus loved). They see a picture and it is as if they are looking at their latest bit of entertainment: the heart disengaged. I have done it, been there, self protection runs deep. Because to truly respond--to place yourself among them--requires much more than most of us are ever really willing to give.
I am coming back to life again, after being in desert; dusty, drought stricken for too many years. And as His living waters start to flow back through me, opening up pipelines long undone, pushing back junk that kept me stagnant, this new awareness of His desperate heart continues to flow and overflow through me. I am terrified by my apathy and even more terrified of what I will become if nothing is ever done to save me from it. It's like the line Beast says to Beauty in my favorite book, after she returns and finds him nearly dead, her declaration of love reviving him back to life:
Beauty: "What would have happened if I never came back?"
His haunting reply: "Nothing."
What will become of us if we never allow His life to fill us, His love to fill us, His joy in repentance making us fall apart?
Nothing. The truth of that is terrifying.
I see a fear of the LORD rising up in me that doesn't allow me to sit by, looking pretty on the sidelines any more. I have too much to give and too many dreams falling apart without His gentle glance of peace and hope onto them. I must have Him: not for what He can give and how I see His usefulness, but simply because Jesus is life.
Jesus is life.
We see so much death in our day, our apathy creating nothingness and it can seem like the most overwhelming thing in the world to push against that constant tide, to make our way forward when everything in the culture around you is asking you to settle, sit back, enjoy the show and eat your popcorn. No one wants to be the one yelling, "FREEDOM!" in the middle of the battlefield--or maybe we all do...but wherever you stand or sit, acknowledge this: there is a life in you that was meant to be lived. There is a destiny and hope in you that Christ alone knows and fills completely with Himself and wants to fight through the entire world to bring it to you. He would do everything, expand or fill or drop or juggle or fan into flame (notice He's an active God, actively seeking you) everything everywhere forever to get your yes, your hope, your love, your fire deep in your heart to burn again. You are worth everything to Him and He proved it on a cross.
He proved it on a cross.
There are many who will die for a bad cause or a silly cause or even a mundane cause: but to die for glory, to show off love--this is radical. This is the love that changes the world: to be caught up into something more than you are so that you can see clearly all that you were made to be.
It is so easy to waste your life, to see the hours and days slip by in Netflix and coach potatoes. We wonder why we're so depressed as we sit alone in our houses.
I urge you to live and live life abundantly. To find a friend or two and simply ask them how they are doing and then put aside all that you are and want to talk through to just listen. You will be amazed at how people open up when they notice that your phone is off and they are being looked at straight in the eyes. I urge you to realize: people are precious, please notice them. This is the love that conquers the world.
Take one day and go somewhere you'd never go on your own and start to walk the streets, asking God what He thinks of this place and what He'd like to see here. You'll be amazed by His heart. Interact with the people who live on that block, asking them what their hopes and dreams are for their lives, for this place. Wait and see the hope that shines in their faces as they realize someone cares. This is the love that conquers the world.
As you move on whatever form of transportation carries you from one place to another, take the time to notice the people that are all around you. Starting asking God about their dreams and joys, how they struggle and claim His heart and His hope as you pray for them. If possible, talk to one of them. Feel the power of their story and acknowledge their presence. This is the love that conquers the world.
I find that love is simple but profound. It moves mountains. It changes the world around us, the way we wished we could as kids when we knew something was wrong even though no one had said it yet and we wanted to be part of the action. I urge you to find Jesus, for it is only His love spilled through you that conquers the world: you have not got within yourself the capacity for the change and bright life He promises without Himself. It is He who delves into our dreams and breaks us from our sin patterns that lock us away from His truth, His love, His life flowing through us. The process is merciless, all of you exposed, but the end..is glory.
In the end, you get His life in you!
Down on my knees again
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst
I surrender
I surrender
I want to know You more
I want to know You more
There are moments when the world hits you: the infinite possibility of your time and place are in sharp focus. You're not sure exactly how to move forward, but you know that to do so is all you want to do and that anything is possible from this place.
It's the moment where H O P E is born.
We're in a season when all that could come to pass has come to pass. A Bridegroom came for His Bride. Death came to life. All that you imagined is possible and all that the enemy of your soul has lied to you about for the past ___ years has been eradicated: because Jesus came. Because a virgin gave birth. Because a cross took all the blows and a teenager took care of God and a whole Kingdom lies before us, just waiting...for you to enter in.
I am not much, but I am something because Christ beholds me.
He sees the place where I've been, the place where I'm going and who I am meant to be much more clearly than I could ever imagine.
His love goes beyond the stars and is literally holding this world from blasting apart.
And I am no different from every infinitesimal, infinite block of clay who God breathed to life.
But there is a choice to be made: we can look God in the face and call Him a liar, defending ourselves with dead babies and famine and all the rest of the unspeakable horrors that daily affect this small blue ball we call heaven. Or we can choose to keep looking Him in the face, beholding this world and joining in the pain that He must feel as He observes those He loves more than life (oh, how He proved it on the Cross!) and the pain they cause and go through as they go spinning through this crazy planet.
Either way, it will break you. You cannot live with any sort of awareness of this world--especially now that we have become global, each in each other's pockets--and see people, really, as they are and as they suffer without having your heart shatter to pieces. You cannot really love and remain unchanged: in this way we completely reflect Christ.
There are many who see but never perceive, who never choose into love, into being aware of the other. For these, the world is simply a little dirtier in places--they have not entered into the pain and suffering, they have not loved as the Christ did (oh, to be completely there with our fellow human beings! to see them as they are, with all that they carry and all that poisons them and the pain that cripples and to choose to enter in and be with and even heal--this is how Jesus loved). They see a picture and it is as if they are looking at their latest bit of entertainment: the heart disengaged. I have done it, been there, self protection runs deep. Because to truly respond--to place yourself among them--requires much more than most of us are ever really willing to give.
I am coming back to life again, after being in desert; dusty, drought stricken for too many years. And as His living waters start to flow back through me, opening up pipelines long undone, pushing back junk that kept me stagnant, this new awareness of His desperate heart continues to flow and overflow through me. I am terrified by my apathy and even more terrified of what I will become if nothing is ever done to save me from it. It's like the line Beast says to Beauty in my favorite book, after she returns and finds him nearly dead, her declaration of love reviving him back to life:
Beauty: "What would have happened if I never came back?"
His haunting reply: "Nothing."
What will become of us if we never allow His life to fill us, His love to fill us, His joy in repentance making us fall apart?
Nothing. The truth of that is terrifying.
I see a fear of the LORD rising up in me that doesn't allow me to sit by, looking pretty on the sidelines any more. I have too much to give and too many dreams falling apart without His gentle glance of peace and hope onto them. I must have Him: not for what He can give and how I see His usefulness, but simply because Jesus is life.
Jesus is life.
We see so much death in our day, our apathy creating nothingness and it can seem like the most overwhelming thing in the world to push against that constant tide, to make our way forward when everything in the culture around you is asking you to settle, sit back, enjoy the show and eat your popcorn. No one wants to be the one yelling, "FREEDOM!" in the middle of the battlefield--or maybe we all do...but wherever you stand or sit, acknowledge this: there is a life in you that was meant to be lived. There is a destiny and hope in you that Christ alone knows and fills completely with Himself and wants to fight through the entire world to bring it to you. He would do everything, expand or fill or drop or juggle or fan into flame (notice He's an active God, actively seeking you) everything everywhere forever to get your yes, your hope, your love, your fire deep in your heart to burn again. You are worth everything to Him and He proved it on a cross.
He proved it on a cross.
There are many who will die for a bad cause or a silly cause or even a mundane cause: but to die for glory, to show off love--this is radical. This is the love that changes the world: to be caught up into something more than you are so that you can see clearly all that you were made to be.
It is so easy to waste your life, to see the hours and days slip by in Netflix and coach potatoes. We wonder why we're so depressed as we sit alone in our houses.
I urge you to live and live life abundantly. To find a friend or two and simply ask them how they are doing and then put aside all that you are and want to talk through to just listen. You will be amazed at how people open up when they notice that your phone is off and they are being looked at straight in the eyes. I urge you to realize: people are precious, please notice them. This is the love that conquers the world.
Take one day and go somewhere you'd never go on your own and start to walk the streets, asking God what He thinks of this place and what He'd like to see here. You'll be amazed by His heart. Interact with the people who live on that block, asking them what their hopes and dreams are for their lives, for this place. Wait and see the hope that shines in their faces as they realize someone cares. This is the love that conquers the world.
As you move on whatever form of transportation carries you from one place to another, take the time to notice the people that are all around you. Starting asking God about their dreams and joys, how they struggle and claim His heart and His hope as you pray for them. If possible, talk to one of them. Feel the power of their story and acknowledge their presence. This is the love that conquers the world.
I find that love is simple but profound. It moves mountains. It changes the world around us, the way we wished we could as kids when we knew something was wrong even though no one had said it yet and we wanted to be part of the action. I urge you to find Jesus, for it is only His love spilled through you that conquers the world: you have not got within yourself the capacity for the change and bright life He promises without Himself. It is He who delves into our dreams and breaks us from our sin patterns that lock us away from His truth, His love, His life flowing through us. The process is merciless, all of you exposed, but the end..is glory.
In the end, you get His life in you!
Sunday, November 29, 2015
The Middle of the Mess
I love that God loves the process.
I woke up this morning to make some hot
chocolate. All went well: boil the milk, pour it into its container but then…I
proceeded to get hot chocolate everywhere in the process of putting the
chocolate mix into an already overfilled cup. The milk took the leap, exceeded
all of its boundaries and made a terrific mess: puddles and splotches and hot
chocolate mix all deliciously wonderfully all over everything at that kitchen
sink.
And I just laughed, because God was
reminding me that even when my soul is a mess, sin polluting and spilling over
and so much to mop up and sort through, He still knows He’s getting hot
chocolate. Even in the middle of my terrible messes, He knows what He’s doing.
He’s not afraid of this process, but delights in it, because He’s more than
enough to clean up the mess. He sent His Son in my place, even if there were
only a smidgen of hot chocolate left for Him to taste, He would still be in it
and for it and cheering it on.
I need to hear that reminder, that
delight of God in the middle of my circumstance, my mess, all the things I
can’t see that I hope are coming together and are in line with His Kingdom.
Life can be so peculiar and thorny and leave you with a bad taste in your
mouth. Then your enemy lies to you right in the middle of your sin struggle and
you wonder, “Is this me? Is this all there really is to me? Why can’t I get
over this, move past it?” And the enemy keeps lying…
First of all, remember that your sin is
not your identity. The enemy will over and over again attack this, saying that
what you do is who you are. Not true! It may be a reflection of what is going
on in your soul, but it does not encompass all that you are. If you are part of
the righteous being made perfect (basically, those who believe Jesus has saved
and is saving them—He died once for all time and continues to help us through
our day to day struggles) then you ARE NOT your sin. You are a child of God,
filled with the Holy Ghost, bought by His blood and forever redeemed. (By the
way, I would encourage you to lay aside your own thoughts, rebuke any lies the
enemy is trying to fill your mind with and simply ask the Holy Spirit to speak
to you now about how He sees you and what He has made you for. What’s your
identity in the Kingdom? Take the time now to ask, you’ll be surprised and
impressed with how specific He is and how much love He has for you.)
We were made for so much more than we
ever realize as we try to plough our way through the trenches of life. I
encourage you to take a moment and sit with your Daddy, looking up. As I write
this, a terrible storm is disapating here in Northern Ireland. A few moments
ago, anyone standing outside would have been soaked and wind tossed—the weather
outside was brutal, rain running sideways and wind that would knock you flat.
But even as I write, the storm is breaking up, clouds pulling back to reveal
such glory in the skies, the sun bursting forth so radiant because the air has
been cleared for it to be revealed in its full splendor.
That’s a picture of our lives in Christ,
especially as we struggle with sin (and yes, I have been in the trenches this
week—I’m not preaching at you, I am speaking from experience). We get to this
point where we feel so buffeted and downtrodden that we don’t want to take one
more step forward—but that is the moment: the moment when Christ shines forth
in our life and we find our all sufficiency in Him, fully realizing that He is
all we need. If my life is to be filled with storms, it is that it may be also
be filled with His wonder.
And the Lord was reminding me today that
I do not know the beginning of what it means to feel pain. As Hebrews 12:3-4 says,
“Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that
you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have
not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” Jesus took a cross for
us and He didn’t die with my sin on His back—but the whole worlds sin. Let that
sink in for a moment, the full import of those words: he took the cross on
fully, fully knowing the pain it would cause Him because He also knew the joy
it would bring to Him. He saw the worth in it and was willing to do anything
that the Father asked of Him to bring forth His treasure, our very lives. When
I look at my life, my struggles through those lenses, I can no longer let sin
control me. I can no longer say that I am a defeated soldier in the battle. He
has taken the cross for me, the full import of all my indiscretions, and I have
been given a victory which far surpasses any lies the enemy tries to toss me,
hoping I’ll believe. “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your
weak knees, and
make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of
joint but rather be healed.” (Hebrews 12:12-13)
I live in wonder, fully absorbed in all
the life that Christ has bought for me: and the secret, I am learning, is to
want Him more. I can stay in my sin, feel it coursing through me as I entertain
certain thoughts OR I can feel the wonder of knowing the Holy Spirit and
worshipping God with all that I do and say. The latter is so much more full of
life and hopeful, I can’t even pretend that the first has any appeal. So when
thoughts come to me that I know are not pure, I seek Christ. I say, as quickly
as they arrive, “I want Jesus more.” And
that little reminder—that dear, sweet truth—banishes all longings for anything
else.
Friday, November 27, 2015
Pushing Through to Glory...Like Always!
It finally looks like the Ireland I always dreamed it would
be…rain falling in sheets against a misty mountain background. Being inside on
a day like this feels like home.
But it’s not home. And I miss home: the way the rain pitter
patters on our roof, little puppies everywhere (yes, my parents bought three
dogs this year…), seeing my Dad’s happy face and goofy laugh and hearing my
mom’s voice and feeling her hugs.
It’s not home…but it is.
I grew up a long time ago. I wasn’t one of those who wanted
desperately to move away from home (I was literally petrified to do it) but I
got the chance. And once I tasted freedom (well, maybe just living in dorms
where friends were right outside the door) I never wanted to go back. I did
enjoy coming home, but it was okay to be on my own. Jesus and I, we could
handle it.
The same pattern continued those years of college, student
teaching, being a nanny. Then a lot changed really quickly and I was back home
for a year, just a year, and then a job came along. I started to live about
forty-five minutes from my parents’, visiting whenever I felt like it. The
nearness was good and I often commented to my mom, “You’re lucky to have had me
for this long.” I thought for sure I would land on the mission field straight
away. God had other (good) plans.
And now Northern Ireland. I can’t just jump in a car and
drive over to my mom and dad’s, there are no puppy piles possible with them
across an ocean and a continent: life is very different, far from home. I am
fully immersed in a beautiful community, with its own struggles and joys, all
bound up together and fully aware that life goes on back in California, without
me.
I’m reading the Cost of Discipleship this week and it’s
literally the perfect book for the season I am in. I know this is where God has
me and He wants all the best for me and He is being so good to me. But that
doesn’t mean I didn’t have to leave behind people and things I love, more than
I ever knew I could love. I…
I’m going to stop there. You know how I feel (or you don’t)
and that’s fine. You have your own rant to let out, hearing mine might just add
to your burden in a way I don’t intend. We all live displaced, one way or
another, at some point in our lives, whether we find ourselves going away from
all that is safe for a job or school, marrying someone and leaving all you know
or being torn out of your safety by a war raiding your homeland. I don’t care
how it is done or to what degree: it’s what you do with it.
A book called Compassion by talks about this very thing:
that we all find ourselves displaced and that is where we meet and relate to
Jesus, the ultimate one who was displaced. He left heaven to be one of us on
earth: I can’t imagine a great humiliation or change of life styles. To be born
in a manger…
But a deep love overtook Him. He saw—it says so in
Hebrews—what the cross would bring to Him and He was willing to endure to the
end to see us all the way through, to heaven and home. The thought of it
comforts me as I face my struggles and see myself through all the ways I am
weak: Jesus knows. His love was poured out perfectly so that I might be one
with Him. He won’t leave me in this struggle or even take a step back. He is
for me completely.
So I walk forward unashamed, entrusting myself to Him
completely. We leave for India in a month, what a glorious unknown!
But to be with Jesus: that is always home. Remember that,
wherever you are and whatever you are facing: Jesus is near and His comfort
leaves no room for doubt. Abandon yourself to Him completely and see if He
won’t fill you…
See if He won’t…
Friday, October 30, 2015
Worship--Yes...
I guess I'll lead worship everywhere but in the United States...
I think its funny and strange how God uses a life and chooses to move. I have loved all my life outside the United States and find that God uses me most when I am far from my original birthplace. Not that I have not seen Him working and been a huge part of some very special churches and communities, but the places where I am really fulfilled and feel as though I am walking out everything that He has promised me are...not..in the States.
This is just all opinion, so don't get offended or feel that I am being derogatory toward life in the States or how church operates there. That is not what this post is about. I am simply sitting here as His little child, laughing at how He has made my world work, the genuine absurdity. That I never lead worship in the States (and I tried to join a few teams) but outside that beautiful little place where my family and most of the people I love live is where I have gotten to step forward...
The first time I lead worship was as part of a team at a Mexican church. We sang songs in Spanish, so it was not only a first time leading, but my first time leading was in a language not my own (which is the most awesome thing to me ever! haha, that just fits who I am so well...) I can remember singing about "fuego" and we were a thrown together little band but we had a great time.
The second time occurred this week: a little team of fellow DTSers and I literally threw together a set list and watched God work. We literally practiced altogether for about half an hour--and mainly, it felt messy and out of whack to my poor little perfectionist, former teacher mentality--but I am learning to let go of that old way of thinking and lean into just trusting that Jesus will work more and more. That when we invite Him in and choose to let our plans get messed with a bit so He can invade our space, something beautiful happens and a piece of His heart--that we would have never had access to had we let our controlling sinful natures get in the way (because to try and control the outcome of all things rather than relinquishing control and trusting is a sin issue and if you just repent--ask forgiveness of it and search out from Him how He wants to operate...your life will be better and fuller--DO IT!).
We stepped back, offered what we had as worshippers, let the Lord lead and it was really beautiful. Truly beautiful, all the way through. I used a mic for the first time and honestly stood on the floor for a lot of it and just moved--maybe a little dancing, haha! (No stoic, sing behind the mic stand for me...hee). It was so good--when your life gets full of those moments where you find yourself coming alive and alive and ALIVE over and over again, it's a good place.
My next time is at a little Irish church here in the town of Armagh--I get to lead alongside one of my leaders this Sunday night. It's a day called Love Feast: we'll worship together and then my team is spending time sharing Original Design with the people of that church. We'll be praying into who God originally intended them to be and blessing them with any words He gives us.
It is beautiful to be used!!! Thanks for all the prayers and keep them up! Absurd, wonderful God, wonderfully working in my life!
I think its funny and strange how God uses a life and chooses to move. I have loved all my life outside the United States and find that God uses me most when I am far from my original birthplace. Not that I have not seen Him working and been a huge part of some very special churches and communities, but the places where I am really fulfilled and feel as though I am walking out everything that He has promised me are...not..in the States.
This is just all opinion, so don't get offended or feel that I am being derogatory toward life in the States or how church operates there. That is not what this post is about. I am simply sitting here as His little child, laughing at how He has made my world work, the genuine absurdity. That I never lead worship in the States (and I tried to join a few teams) but outside that beautiful little place where my family and most of the people I love live is where I have gotten to step forward...
The first time I lead worship was as part of a team at a Mexican church. We sang songs in Spanish, so it was not only a first time leading, but my first time leading was in a language not my own (which is the most awesome thing to me ever! haha, that just fits who I am so well...) I can remember singing about "fuego" and we were a thrown together little band but we had a great time.
The second time occurred this week: a little team of fellow DTSers and I literally threw together a set list and watched God work. We literally practiced altogether for about half an hour--and mainly, it felt messy and out of whack to my poor little perfectionist, former teacher mentality--but I am learning to let go of that old way of thinking and lean into just trusting that Jesus will work more and more. That when we invite Him in and choose to let our plans get messed with a bit so He can invade our space, something beautiful happens and a piece of His heart--that we would have never had access to had we let our controlling sinful natures get in the way (because to try and control the outcome of all things rather than relinquishing control and trusting is a sin issue and if you just repent--ask forgiveness of it and search out from Him how He wants to operate...your life will be better and fuller--DO IT!).
We stepped back, offered what we had as worshippers, let the Lord lead and it was really beautiful. Truly beautiful, all the way through. I used a mic for the first time and honestly stood on the floor for a lot of it and just moved--maybe a little dancing, haha! (No stoic, sing behind the mic stand for me...hee). It was so good--when your life gets full of those moments where you find yourself coming alive and alive and ALIVE over and over again, it's a good place.
My next time is at a little Irish church here in the town of Armagh--I get to lead alongside one of my leaders this Sunday night. It's a day called Love Feast: we'll worship together and then my team is spending time sharing Original Design with the people of that church. We'll be praying into who God originally intended them to be and blessing them with any words He gives us.
It is beautiful to be used!!! Thanks for all the prayers and keep them up! Absurd, wonderful God, wonderfully working in my life!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Alignment
Alignment...this is the word which keeps coming to me as I progress through this season.
Alignment...it involves more than knowing something about the Lord and about the season He has you in and the words He's speaking into you. When you align with a group or person or idea, you're not only believing it but you also choose to be in it. It's almost an abiding that occurs as you possess this idea, thing, person more and more within your being. It's a gradual process, but its very deep--all encompassing.
It's what happens through dating as you move towards becoming one. You gradually are finding that every bit of you aligns with them and at the end of a long process of being known and getting to know, you are finally one. Possessed by them, in a sense, in the best way, as your two lives are now joined--every bit of who you are and who they are filled in with each other and you continue to build this oneness throughout your whole lives.
Marriage: a constant aligning.
Alignment: the most beautiful and sacred process, but also the most perilous...for I find that I can align where I am not supposed to, and I have to ask the Lord to pull me back.
And the beautiful thing is, He does. We don't even have to strive but just lay back against His chest (as a song I'm listening to right now by Jenn Johnson says--perfect timing! haha). He knows how to constantly realigning us with Himself so that we find our lives--in whatever way they have gone a little bit out of whack--coming into true alignment and finding life as He breathes His strength, joy, hope, whatever you need into the place where you are, the struggle, the misalignment...
I'm not saying that it happens quickly or easily in any way (some things must be brought to Him again and again, over and over, day after day) but He does not mind the struggle the way that we do. He even celebrates it, because as we don't give up and keep bringing our struggle to Him, it creates intimacy. Your struggle can actually be the best thing for your relationship with God because it creates this healthy reliance that brings Him such joy and leads in the end to your peace. And as you are comforted, over and over, you learn how to bring His comfort to others who have been struggling.
We talked through relationships this week with a lovely couple, originally from Washington, now living in Budapest with their 16-month-old son (he came with them--what a joy!). They were honest about their struggles and guided us through discussions on sex, marriage, stewardship, legacy and conflict resolution. It was a packed week with a lot of good confirmation in my life as well as realizing how much better I can do relationships (with the Lord's help). I have been a mess sometimes, but this alignment with the Lord and an understanding of myself, where I have come from and why I have reacted to life the way I have is both beautiful and hopeful--I won't stay where I have been and I am aligning with the King of the Universe for the best in my future.
I am a little life, but He cares dearly for me.
May I ever align with You, Lord. Thank You for the grace in my untangling.
Alignment...it involves more than knowing something about the Lord and about the season He has you in and the words He's speaking into you. When you align with a group or person or idea, you're not only believing it but you also choose to be in it. It's almost an abiding that occurs as you possess this idea, thing, person more and more within your being. It's a gradual process, but its very deep--all encompassing.
It's what happens through dating as you move towards becoming one. You gradually are finding that every bit of you aligns with them and at the end of a long process of being known and getting to know, you are finally one. Possessed by them, in a sense, in the best way, as your two lives are now joined--every bit of who you are and who they are filled in with each other and you continue to build this oneness throughout your whole lives.
Marriage: a constant aligning.
Alignment: the most beautiful and sacred process, but also the most perilous...for I find that I can align where I am not supposed to, and I have to ask the Lord to pull me back.
And the beautiful thing is, He does. We don't even have to strive but just lay back against His chest (as a song I'm listening to right now by Jenn Johnson says--perfect timing! haha). He knows how to constantly realigning us with Himself so that we find our lives--in whatever way they have gone a little bit out of whack--coming into true alignment and finding life as He breathes His strength, joy, hope, whatever you need into the place where you are, the struggle, the misalignment...
I'm not saying that it happens quickly or easily in any way (some things must be brought to Him again and again, over and over, day after day) but He does not mind the struggle the way that we do. He even celebrates it, because as we don't give up and keep bringing our struggle to Him, it creates intimacy. Your struggle can actually be the best thing for your relationship with God because it creates this healthy reliance that brings Him such joy and leads in the end to your peace. And as you are comforted, over and over, you learn how to bring His comfort to others who have been struggling.
We talked through relationships this week with a lovely couple, originally from Washington, now living in Budapest with their 16-month-old son (he came with them--what a joy!). They were honest about their struggles and guided us through discussions on sex, marriage, stewardship, legacy and conflict resolution. It was a packed week with a lot of good confirmation in my life as well as realizing how much better I can do relationships (with the Lord's help). I have been a mess sometimes, but this alignment with the Lord and an understanding of myself, where I have come from and why I have reacted to life the way I have is both beautiful and hopeful--I won't stay where I have been and I am aligning with the King of the Universe for the best in my future.
I am a little life, but He cares dearly for me.
May I ever align with You, Lord. Thank You for the grace in my untangling.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Living Out of Victory
“You’ve brought me to the end of myself/ And this has been
the longest road”
“I’m waking up/I’m waking up”
These two lines (both from one of my favorite current albums
by Steffany Gretzinger) perfectly describe the transition I’m in: this
beautiful moment where I get to move forward into all that He has planned,
moving past dreaming and waiting into true fulfillment. If the object of my
life is to know God and be known by Him—or in other words to glorify God by
enjoying Him forever (thanks John Piper) then I am in the sweet spot of that
beautiful journey. Coming into a still, sweet time where He allows me to
operate fully in all of my gifts, whether they be leading worship, interceding,
healing people emotionally and physically or just allowing His love to shine
out of me. When I really tune in to all that He is doing in me in this season,
I am just buzzing with His life awakening in me. He wants to do so much in me
and through my team—aahhh!!!
At this moment, listening to Irish rain fall outside my window,
I can’t imagine what fulfillment and seeing all His beautiful dreams for me
come to bear looks like. I only know that I am on the edge, the precipice as it
were, and the joy I feel is piercing. He sees and knows me so well—we’ve spent
a wilderness season together—and I get to partner with Him in whatever is to
come next. I know that He will never leave me—His faithfulness to me while I
had nothing to offer but the belief He could pull me through assure me that
life is coming, will always be to come for it is what He offers and brings
forth and is full of, always and in all things.
And maybe your life looks really dry, without any light—I
ask you to take a moment and look at what you fill yourself with. It is easy in
a depressed season to continue to dwell in that depression, to even wallow in
it and ask others to join you there—but He has the opposite to offer to you, if
you will only choose to look to His strength. He is the God of the impossible,
the One who turns it around to grace more and more frequently than we could
ever give Him credit for!
The way it has shown up in my life is this: in the frequent
yielding of my heart and mind to Him, He has taken a place that usually
produces a certain kind of fruit in a person and produced the exact opposite in
me. I learned my freedom and liberty in being a woman in one of the most
oppressed places for women in the world. I learned deep hope during a season
where I couldn’t land a job to save my life. He is constantly teaching me that
I live from a different kingdom, one not governed by the rules and laws that
affect this world.
I live out of such a different place.
And there is safety here even in the midst of the greatest
storms that nations and personal relationships and everything the world has to offer.
There is peace when all around is chaos. There is joy—rooted deep in Him and
who He is (such stability!) that laughs when danger draws near or anything
rears its head saying its more worthy of being feared—you know who the King of
Kings is (you’re deep, intimate friends with Him) and so nothing holds you back
from running deep into His arms. The fear of the Lord fills you to overflow,
causing all the wreckage of life to spill out and be seen as it is: just a bit
of torment that the Lord knows, takes care of, is already dealing with. We get
caught in our own minds, the darkness of seeing it all from our perspective,
but then you invite the Lord in and it’s like He lifts the lid off the house of
your heart where the enemy was trying to harbor dark thoughts and plans and you
see them for what they are—simply dark dreams of the enemy which drift away
when put into the light of the Father’s hands.
Nothing can stand against Him.
And that’s where we stand. With Him. Rise up again,
Victorious One. You are hidden in Christ. The story is already written deep
within You, for you were claimed by His blood when you became one of His own—He
wins. And since we are His co-heirs, it’s our victory also, and we get the
spoils.
Live free out of this place.
He’s so in love with you!
P.S. I took a walk with a sweet lady today--when she prayed she saw a picture of me in galoshes (pretty ones!) tending a garden--you only need galoshes when the ground is really wet!--and the garden was bearing much fruit...excited to see where He takes me!
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