My brother's getting married in a few weeks--astonishing really!
Not that he's incapable or unworthy of love--but just love, in itself, is an astonishing bit of joy. Sometimes its the craziest thing ever showing up in the middle of pain and the brokenness that can sometimes surround a life. Pouf!--bang!--something new happens and you're never the same! haha
I was working on the "Bride" chapter in my book yesterday--that call is on all of our lives. Heidi Baker puts it really well--I was reading one of her books the other day and she talked about how this love--loving our Father--will cost us everything, but why should we be surprised? That's what it takes to have a great love story. You truly have to give yourself up, completely, for the sake of the other person. At first it's easy because that love is so all consuming--you would literally do anything for them. And then, hopefully, it becomes a lifestyle for you--your life is about seeing this other person become well and whole (not in a co-dependent, "he needs me!" way, but in a "I love seeing Jesus work out His life through you" way that stays near and keeps hoping even in the roughest times), seeing them come fully to life in Him.
That takes a lifetime, a true commitment--and it's never easy. Falling in love with and then choosing to follow God is a lot the same--you must learn a steady commitment, faithfulness--and it's never going to be super easy. It's soul work--hard soul work--to stand by someone, to stand by God and see this journey through to the end. But that's the call on our lives--to live out our lives fully and completely before Him and each other, in this glorious, breaking, joyfully, painful, beautiful and vastly ugly way--all your flaws exposed and yet, at the same time, redeemed.
That's a marriage.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 15, 2014
You Shall Love Me
It's been a long week...well, to be truthful, a long year :)
Everything is ready for next year--but none of it is within my sights. Strange place to be...
When the course of your life is set by your Creator, but you, the human, have no idea, it becomes a dance of sorts, your whole life a dance. That's often how I see Jesus and myself--dancing.
It's close, it's interactive, it's give-and-take--you searching out this other person as they move and respond with you. I want to say, I often don't do a very attractive dance. I wind up spinning off in the wrong direction, forgetting the dance steps or squashing His toes. I've often been seen racing off into the dark when the dance floor is clearly lit up and waiting. I squander my time, playing in the sand when I should be learning the steps of the dance.
In truth, I am an awful dancer, the most uncoordinated of any group. I actually took quite a few dance classes/exercise classes involving dance and it was pitiful! Even the simplest steps could elude me--I would waltz my way tragically through the course...I could learn a dance--eventually. I just had to stumble through the first round, go back and see it taught again and voila! after a bit of practice, I could find my way...
But the time, you must put the time in...it's going to be a struggle, perhaps a bore for those watching you not get it (your classmates) and it takes perseverance. It takes setting your mind to it. All of life is a dance.
I come from a long line of self-defeatists, for whatever reason. Struggle becomes a reason to muddle through life, not the power behind you to overcome. I could have learned that, almost learned that. But instead, the Lord had a different plan, a redemption to be made even of my uncouth family--we do not have to stay the same. What our fathers carried and claimed as normal can be laid down in our lifetimes so that we can skip forward, happy and FREE! I am my father's daughter, but I am not his burden bearer--for I have turned to another One! It really began in high school, this learning to carry my cross instead of giving up and admitting defeat. I took a Calculus class (shudder with me) and found that for once in my life, my brain failed me. I simply could not grasp the concepts with the ease and pizazz that I had been capable of at any other time in my studies. It was the strangest feeling, failing that class...
But I didn't fail, I persevered. I cried through homework, got a tutor and received a 3/5 on the AP Calculus test--which earned me four units of college credit, not bad! It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but also the most rewarding.
Enter river guiding, Hebrew, student teaching in a self-contained 6th-8th grade classroom--perseverance has been my gift and like any truly good gift, I have had to struggle through it. Nothing has been easy, not for years now. I can't even remember what it feels like to really relax and know that nothing bad is going to happen--because it just does. This is not my pity party, just my weary truth--I get tired of waiting--and for what, I don't know!
So, the dance--ever continuing, ever beautiful, ever painful, ever close...the gift in your suffering (for some say all suffering is alone, no other human can understand the pain you go through or how you experience it), the anguish--it has brought you a closeness with God that you could not have imagined, dreamed or even longed for before. I'm so tired of all of this--my heart cries out sometimes--and then the moments become reframed: I'm close to you in this, says the only One who can understand. See, we don't get healed, except by His wounds. And we can't love someone--truly, in an empathetic, other-comforting way--unless we know what they have gone through, their pain has been real to us. So I don't know what the Lord will do with my life--some days it looks like nothing!--but I do know He loves. And He brings redemption--and He sees pain.
And that's all I need.
Everything is ready for next year--but none of it is within my sights. Strange place to be...
When the course of your life is set by your Creator, but you, the human, have no idea, it becomes a dance of sorts, your whole life a dance. That's often how I see Jesus and myself--dancing.
It's close, it's interactive, it's give-and-take--you searching out this other person as they move and respond with you. I want to say, I often don't do a very attractive dance. I wind up spinning off in the wrong direction, forgetting the dance steps or squashing His toes. I've often been seen racing off into the dark when the dance floor is clearly lit up and waiting. I squander my time, playing in the sand when I should be learning the steps of the dance.
In truth, I am an awful dancer, the most uncoordinated of any group. I actually took quite a few dance classes/exercise classes involving dance and it was pitiful! Even the simplest steps could elude me--I would waltz my way tragically through the course...I could learn a dance--eventually. I just had to stumble through the first round, go back and see it taught again and voila! after a bit of practice, I could find my way...
But the time, you must put the time in...it's going to be a struggle, perhaps a bore for those watching you not get it (your classmates) and it takes perseverance. It takes setting your mind to it. All of life is a dance.
I come from a long line of self-defeatists, for whatever reason. Struggle becomes a reason to muddle through life, not the power behind you to overcome. I could have learned that, almost learned that. But instead, the Lord had a different plan, a redemption to be made even of my uncouth family--we do not have to stay the same. What our fathers carried and claimed as normal can be laid down in our lifetimes so that we can skip forward, happy and FREE! I am my father's daughter, but I am not his burden bearer--for I have turned to another One! It really began in high school, this learning to carry my cross instead of giving up and admitting defeat. I took a Calculus class (shudder with me) and found that for once in my life, my brain failed me. I simply could not grasp the concepts with the ease and pizazz that I had been capable of at any other time in my studies. It was the strangest feeling, failing that class...
But I didn't fail, I persevered. I cried through homework, got a tutor and received a 3/5 on the AP Calculus test--which earned me four units of college credit, not bad! It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but also the most rewarding.
Enter river guiding, Hebrew, student teaching in a self-contained 6th-8th grade classroom--perseverance has been my gift and like any truly good gift, I have had to struggle through it. Nothing has been easy, not for years now. I can't even remember what it feels like to really relax and know that nothing bad is going to happen--because it just does. This is not my pity party, just my weary truth--I get tired of waiting--and for what, I don't know!
So, the dance--ever continuing, ever beautiful, ever painful, ever close...the gift in your suffering (for some say all suffering is alone, no other human can understand the pain you go through or how you experience it), the anguish--it has brought you a closeness with God that you could not have imagined, dreamed or even longed for before. I'm so tired of all of this--my heart cries out sometimes--and then the moments become reframed: I'm close to you in this, says the only One who can understand. See, we don't get healed, except by His wounds. And we can't love someone--truly, in an empathetic, other-comforting way--unless we know what they have gone through, their pain has been real to us. So I don't know what the Lord will do with my life--some days it looks like nothing!--but I do know He loves. And He brings redemption--and He sees pain.
And that's all I need.
"I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me...
He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
He had arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding...
He said to me, 'You shall love me, You shall love me,
You shall love me, you shall love me..."
--Misty Edwards, Arms Wide Open
Monday, May 5, 2014
Stop the Lies--You're Missing Jesus
I'm really not okay--and I'm okay with it.
I keep running across this concept that we teach each other--and our children--and expect socially (especially in the church) to be liars. It's not intentional, it's no ones fault, it's just the way things fall out so often…to be truly honest, vulnerable and real about what's going on in your life is often not a good/healthy thing to express to people you barely know--and sometimes, that's what the people at church are…people you barely know. Again, I'm not judging or stating that this is how it is in every church (I have certainly found that this is not true in many instances) but it does exist. There is a culture among church folk of pretending everything is okay, when it's not, just to get through a service. We need to address it and we need to talk about it.
1) Being unknown by your church body
I think this is an epidemic and an area where we need to step forward with light. We were taught by Jesus to love one another--but it is also true that true love for someone comes as a result of getting to know them deeply and still accepting them--flaws, weirdness and all. In our culture, we so often don't step forward past the image and the Facebook posts…it's almost as though we intentionally block each other out at a certain point so that we won't step on each others toes or feel weird. It comes down to not feeling comfortable being vulnerable with each other--and this has to change. For the health of our culture, our churches and our society as a whole we need to be known. It's just a basic human need that is currently not being met many places--I pray we learn, as followers of Christ, to step out and be willing to look foolish in order to love.
2) Feeling unsafe
The miracle of love also comes as a result of trusting--if trust has not been built into a congregation, it's very likely that true, deep relationships are not forming amidst church members. It's true, there are times and places where we should not express all that is going on in our hearts (wailing in the middle of the lobby will look weird) but…there has to be some place where we go deep: we get to issues, bring them out into the light and see them for what they are. If your church is devoid of opportunities for people to at least meet in homes and hopefully receive prayer as well as counseling…if that does not exist yet…it just should. And I'm not talking about putting all of this on the pastor's back--that was never the plan from the beginning and we shouldn't live pretending that the pastor is a massive turtle who can carry everyone on his back--he just can't! And if your pastor is a demigod in your eyes--look out! You, my friend, need and should pray to really encounter Jesus, you'll be blown away! Tangent over: God has created many people who exist in the church body and they all have little hidden talents tucked away inside or ready to be released--whatever it is, they are able and willing and need just a little bit of empowerment and mentorship to have all that is hidden within them exploded outward into a glorious bit of heaven on earth. Why have we not tapped/mined this potential earlier? You tell me! I am seeing churches wake up to the joy and beauty within their own congregation and whole cities are on the verge of change because of it. Join us! There's a broken, desperate world and we are the ones who bring Jesus! Let us march forward into this task with thanksgiving in our hearts as well as a lot of prayer. Look out for joy (as well as shared suffering--which Christ asked of us) as we move forward into being the safe, hopeful places Jesus always meant us to be.
3) Needing to please others to feel accepted
Forget it. Forget it all. Stop trying to make other people like you--IT'S NOT WORKING. And all that you are trying to find by mining it out of another person (love, affection, all your desperate needs and desires that you beg to be filled) can only find their true satisfaction and source in the one who made you full of them--Jesus, God, Holy Spirit. Anywhere else and it is a sad--though often beautiful--charade: you acting out your part while all the others try to keep up their end of the deal until it all falls in like a house of cards. Stop the irritating merry-go-round and ask Jesus to fill you with His love, really fill you--He won't let you down. And the people in your life will be so glad you did--you'll stop trying to manipulate them to serve your purposes, control them to become who you want them to be and judging them for choosing to do as they know they should do despite your pressures. I learned this the hard way, the backwards way…the way most of us do. But thank God! He can make even our greatest sins and failures into something beautiful if we finally learn to be honest with Him and others. Don't keep all that's eating you up inside inside anymore--often Christ's love will manifest itself powerfully through the love that other believers show. Why would you keep yourself from this opportunity--both to show love to the hurting and be willing to receive love when you are hurting. Stop pretending it's alright--let go--and find that others can accept you--RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, JUST AS YOU ARE.
4) Hypocrisy now
A few of my family members left the church because of this--for whatever reason, love was not modeled to them and all they could see when they walked through the door of a church was a lot of fake people greeting each other with fake smiles and pretending the world was okay--and it's not. The world is not okay by a long shot, so why the $%#$ would you believe in a good God? They were smart, they walked away. I understand why they made that choice on some level but on a deeper level I just grieve. I grieve the men and women that only knew fake smiles from church folk and couldn't stand to be real with their pain in front of people who seemed so perfect. So I plead, on behalf of them, those I love dearly and long for: that they would know truth; that they would see Jesus for who He is and find all their wounds and lies healed in Him, finally safe in His arms--I plead with you, be real. Be hopeful and good and holy--but be real. Feel your pain and share it in small groups, with people who know and love you, in the middle of your journey as you travel in the car and wonder over this crazy, good, perfectly broken life--show that Jesus has a face and arms and understands suffering and reached out in the middle of it. Show that hope is tangible, in a man who came back after He died, not only defeating death for Himself but for all of us. Show them the One who walked among lepers--touching them even!--and healed prostitutes and saw the world as it was--and loved it. Show them Jesus. Show them love. They're waiting--just beyond those doors...
I keep running across this concept that we teach each other--and our children--and expect socially (especially in the church) to be liars. It's not intentional, it's no ones fault, it's just the way things fall out so often…to be truly honest, vulnerable and real about what's going on in your life is often not a good/healthy thing to express to people you barely know--and sometimes, that's what the people at church are…people you barely know. Again, I'm not judging or stating that this is how it is in every church (I have certainly found that this is not true in many instances) but it does exist. There is a culture among church folk of pretending everything is okay, when it's not, just to get through a service. We need to address it and we need to talk about it.
1) Being unknown by your church body
I think this is an epidemic and an area where we need to step forward with light. We were taught by Jesus to love one another--but it is also true that true love for someone comes as a result of getting to know them deeply and still accepting them--flaws, weirdness and all. In our culture, we so often don't step forward past the image and the Facebook posts…it's almost as though we intentionally block each other out at a certain point so that we won't step on each others toes or feel weird. It comes down to not feeling comfortable being vulnerable with each other--and this has to change. For the health of our culture, our churches and our society as a whole we need to be known. It's just a basic human need that is currently not being met many places--I pray we learn, as followers of Christ, to step out and be willing to look foolish in order to love.
2) Feeling unsafe
The miracle of love also comes as a result of trusting--if trust has not been built into a congregation, it's very likely that true, deep relationships are not forming amidst church members. It's true, there are times and places where we should not express all that is going on in our hearts (wailing in the middle of the lobby will look weird) but…there has to be some place where we go deep: we get to issues, bring them out into the light and see them for what they are. If your church is devoid of opportunities for people to at least meet in homes and hopefully receive prayer as well as counseling…if that does not exist yet…it just should. And I'm not talking about putting all of this on the pastor's back--that was never the plan from the beginning and we shouldn't live pretending that the pastor is a massive turtle who can carry everyone on his back--he just can't! And if your pastor is a demigod in your eyes--look out! You, my friend, need and should pray to really encounter Jesus, you'll be blown away! Tangent over: God has created many people who exist in the church body and they all have little hidden talents tucked away inside or ready to be released--whatever it is, they are able and willing and need just a little bit of empowerment and mentorship to have all that is hidden within them exploded outward into a glorious bit of heaven on earth. Why have we not tapped/mined this potential earlier? You tell me! I am seeing churches wake up to the joy and beauty within their own congregation and whole cities are on the verge of change because of it. Join us! There's a broken, desperate world and we are the ones who bring Jesus! Let us march forward into this task with thanksgiving in our hearts as well as a lot of prayer. Look out for joy (as well as shared suffering--which Christ asked of us) as we move forward into being the safe, hopeful places Jesus always meant us to be.
3) Needing to please others to feel accepted
Forget it. Forget it all. Stop trying to make other people like you--IT'S NOT WORKING. And all that you are trying to find by mining it out of another person (love, affection, all your desperate needs and desires that you beg to be filled) can only find their true satisfaction and source in the one who made you full of them--Jesus, God, Holy Spirit. Anywhere else and it is a sad--though often beautiful--charade: you acting out your part while all the others try to keep up their end of the deal until it all falls in like a house of cards. Stop the irritating merry-go-round and ask Jesus to fill you with His love, really fill you--He won't let you down. And the people in your life will be so glad you did--you'll stop trying to manipulate them to serve your purposes, control them to become who you want them to be and judging them for choosing to do as they know they should do despite your pressures. I learned this the hard way, the backwards way…the way most of us do. But thank God! He can make even our greatest sins and failures into something beautiful if we finally learn to be honest with Him and others. Don't keep all that's eating you up inside inside anymore--often Christ's love will manifest itself powerfully through the love that other believers show. Why would you keep yourself from this opportunity--both to show love to the hurting and be willing to receive love when you are hurting. Stop pretending it's alright--let go--and find that others can accept you--RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, JUST AS YOU ARE.
4) Hypocrisy now
A few of my family members left the church because of this--for whatever reason, love was not modeled to them and all they could see when they walked through the door of a church was a lot of fake people greeting each other with fake smiles and pretending the world was okay--and it's not. The world is not okay by a long shot, so why the $%#$ would you believe in a good God? They were smart, they walked away. I understand why they made that choice on some level but on a deeper level I just grieve. I grieve the men and women that only knew fake smiles from church folk and couldn't stand to be real with their pain in front of people who seemed so perfect. So I plead, on behalf of them, those I love dearly and long for: that they would know truth; that they would see Jesus for who He is and find all their wounds and lies healed in Him, finally safe in His arms--I plead with you, be real. Be hopeful and good and holy--but be real. Feel your pain and share it in small groups, with people who know and love you, in the middle of your journey as you travel in the car and wonder over this crazy, good, perfectly broken life--show that Jesus has a face and arms and understands suffering and reached out in the middle of it. Show that hope is tangible, in a man who came back after He died, not only defeating death for Himself but for all of us. Show them the One who walked among lepers--touching them even!--and healed prostitutes and saw the world as it was--and loved it. Show them Jesus. Show them love. They're waiting--just beyond those doors...
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