Preconceived Notions

So...it hasn't rained yet. Haha!

I am on (supposedly) the wettest island around and...we have had glorious days, filled with sunshine and gorgeousness. It is very much a season of renewal for me and Daddy is just being extra sweet to me in allowing me this special time to walk through the greenest woods on earth and be reminded of His goodness. All previous seasons were so...difficult (best word I could find).

We're already jiving as a team and worshipping so sweetly together. I love the wit, humor and playfulness that is coming out of the group as a whole. This will carry us through a lot...being able to be light hearted and let go of taking ourselves so seriously.

If you're praying, keep asking for unity in my team, the joy of the Lord and that the renewal and regeneration He is doing in me will go deep. He has me here and He has me seeking His face--it's all I want to do!--so that I can do my next seasons--whatever crazy adventures they hold--well. It is weird to be away from family--just really pray for them. Also, that I can figure out how to connect with those back home--I don't have my phone set up yet and am not even sure how to go about this all...never had to deal with time zones and all of that.  

I am learning to let go of all preconceived notions--I assumed I would be freezing on a blustery island, but that is nowhere near what's actually happening :) I am sitting on a warm floor with my long sleeves rolled up. It's like that in life--you learn to ask the Lord what is up (eventually) because the way you see things and the way that life is done around the globe will always and continually be changing and a mystery.

You just get to be brave and GO!

Brought Forth as Gold

I see victory written over every part of my story.

There are many places I wouldn't be willing to visit, many mistakes I'm glad I won't make again but over it all I see so clearly Him professing, "Victorious one. Provided for. Taken care of. Overcomer." I know what the last few years have felt like, the assault on my precious, sensitive heart, the way the enemy tried to have his way. But, as I look through the pictures of the last few years, I see how he hasn't won. How he has no power over me. How every attack was meet by the Lord reaching out and holding me and pulling me through--even when I couldn't feel it--and how the plan to capsize me actually created a Warrior. Brought out the best of my heart as all the junk burned away. Purified and made the dream of my heart that much stronger. Shaped my destiny in ways I never could have imagined and taught me, so deeply, that He is a good God.

I keep exposing myself to Him, letting Him have His way--even when it breaks me--because I know that His mending will make me that much stronger. I look to His face, seek His counsel and am so humbled by His loving response to me. Truly undone...

I know you will find Him as faithful...put all of yourself into His arms! Find that to dance with Him--leaving all others behind, for He is of more worth--will bring you into deep joy! Go deep with Him...He is faithful to find you where you are and bring you to where He always longed for you to be! Are you willing to go away with Him for a time, that you may be brought forth as gold?

Whoa--That was Fast...Trying to Process a Whirlwind

The shock of it all just hit me...

I have been running hard, believing that the Lord has been leading me, knowing that this "something new" was coming for months now and then spending time pursuing all that it was in the limited time I had to somehow put it all together (accepted July 31st, leaving September 25th) and now, it's here.

It's really here.

He's done it, that's all I can say, He's done it. he has moved on people's hearts, opened church doors and lots of wallets (haha!) and the girl who was crying two weeks ago because she had more than five thousand dollars to raise within the next four weeks now has only a $1000 left to raise--and people still asking her how they can donate, how they can help. She has gotten all her shots, bought the ticket and has her visa in hand--she really gets to do this.

He's done it.

I think its hard to put in words how grateful I am for this because its so big. So much has happened so quickly that I am literally astonished. I was going through the last of the things I will leave at my parents house--finally emptying out my poor yard sale-ing car completely--and it hit me. Whoa, I'm done going through boxes of stuff (I moved out of my classroom and my apartment all within the same time). I'm done living in the States. I'm done waiting. I'm done wondering and praying it through--the adventure is literally upon me.

And I'm still processing just how good God is and how quickly He can move.

There are things I will miss: puppy piles at my parents house, the beauty of our countryside, sunny days, being able to visit my parents every weekend, my church...oh my church! and all the sweet people there!

And then there are things which I am so excited for: having only what I need (I'm so tired of all the "stuff" of life that we carry around and use sometimes and eventually discarded--I will be glad to live out of a suitcase!); community to worship, pray and bring hope to others with; and most of all steadfast focus and clear intent: we are here for Jesus and nothing else will do. I'm excited to go deep with others, pray and worship, see them (and myself!) healed and set free and changed into the people He always joyously wanted us to be.

So I guess I'm asking you to pray: for unity and hope on my team, for courage for this introvert (and a  quiet space for her to recharge), for strength in general and Jesus' love to be flowing! Yeah...

I can't believe it's here...it's the beginning...

Let's GOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I went on a walk in the park today.

You know, life is funny. Sometimes we get into this place where the Lord reminds us of where we were—wanting to pull from and remind you of that beauty, asking you to bring the fruit of that season into the next one to come.

I used to run cross country: a little bit as a young kid, for a year in high school and then one last year in college. The college bit was hilarious—a friend (who I had run with during the previous year) had forced, *ahem, asked me to join, then promptly quit. I had not run on my own all summer (I lived where it was freakin’ hot…okay, that’s just a bad excuse) and I was the slowest girl on the team. Turned out, I was not only the slowest on my team, but also the slowest of all the runners in college. We went to a Division I race out in Standford—the first race I was able to run for my team—and I was cart girl.

Yes. Cart girl.

Let me define cart girl for you, as I can see the blank expression invading your face. A cart girl is the one who is followed by the golf cart, because she is dead last.

Dead…last…really really really…the absolute last one out of hundreds.

For some reason though, I am not at all ashamed of being the loser. I know I wasn’t built for running (the area where I excelled—literally—was the 100 meter). But there is something about cross country running…just the joy of being in the race. Even if I was last, I was the last out of the best runners in our state. I was in the presence (well, at least inhaling the dust of…) the Greats.

That’s a big deal.

Let me be in the race, even if I am the least of all, because at least I’m in the race. That’s a lot more than some people ever get to do. J

At the park today, I was spending time just being with the Lord, out in His beautiful green cathedral. All of a sudden, a big yellow bus pulls up and I remembered—it’s cross country season. The leaves are changing, the air is getting cooler and its time to run…

It’s time to run…

I have been on my own now, struggling to keep the ground I gain, for the past several years. There are those who have come alongside me (I am so thankful for their presence) who dropped in and asked me to share how I was doing, prayed with me…but they had to keep moving, running their section of the race. There was no true team running beside me, in the same direction, holding me up.

I believe—no, I know—that the Lord used that season to draw me into His arms, to teach me the truth of desperate love that will never leave you. He pulled me close to speak identity, heal wounds, make straight that which had gone crooked. I saw a picture of it today in a crippled robin. This robin was hopping around on one leg—the other leg was twisted and bent so that it couldn’t use it. It didn’t even look like a leg. I was that robin at one time, it was a picture for me. He won’t launch you to fly until you’re healthy enough to land. He heals so that you can display His life-saving work—and life—through you. So, in the Lord’s forever bent backward sense of logic: He created a phenomenal time of healing for me in the midst of much trauma. He knew I couldn’t fly forward or show who He truly was until He walked me through this season of His deep work being done in me. I thank Him every day for His love and devotion to me during that season—the joy of being His because I had nothing left—it’s a crazy place to be, but He chooses to be with us there—and it’s enough.

And now…the seasons change…

The runners come forth—each has trained—possibly for months—for this time when they come together to show forth their strength together. You know, a cross country team has a very unique dynamic, especially as it comes to the point system, the way you win. It’s set up so that each member of the team is desperately needed and definitely important—whatever place you end up in, is the score you get. If I came in 20^th, I got twenty points added to my team score. In this way, they define the success of one another because you add together the points to come up with the overall score—the ones with the lowest score being the winning team. So, say my team is phenomenal and we get respective scores of 1, 3, 8, 12 and 20: a total score of 44! But, conversely, if you do badly, your team does badly. So, their goal is to keep you encouraged—no matter what place you are in—so that you don’t give up and keep pressing forward.

It’s a phenomenal thing, being part of a team and the Lord is pulling me back into that dynamic as I move forward into YWAM. Learning how to be there for one another, putting their needs above your own (while maintaining your source—your relationship with the Father—without that, you have nothing to give—and I mean nothing), seeing just how far we can go together and encouraging each other—we don’t know when or where this will end—we must make the most of the time for as long as we are able.

It’s a beautiful thing to be back in the race, to know that your voice is heard by others and they are in this for the long haul. I am praying into being a healthy, joyful part of my team—letting the Lord work in and through me so that His love will be drastically felt! Haha, not dramatic at all here! But it’s exciting—to know that the new season is coming, teamwork, hope and joy…joy, even though there is much self discipline and stripping off of layers (sin, mindsets, whatever it may be that keeps us from running the race) so that we can move forward completely confident in Him.

To the race…