Dancing Through Life...

I'm home...

So much of that feels surreal...I so easily go into the mode of being not completely here by watching TV on the internet or reading all day...it's a struggle to be present.

I miss the other interns I worked with...they became such good friends...I loved sharing life with them, the little things they did that made my life bright...

Can God correct every mistake? What is the greater good most of the time and how do we pursue that?

What is sacrifice? What is love, for that matter? How do we chase these both at the same time...

How do I learn to exist--loving, feeling joy and pain, running the race with all that is within me--without being crushed?

I feel as though sometimes I feel too much...but I want that. The numbness is worse than being pulled apart by all that is going on within you. I feel as though God can move so powerfully through the times when you are desperately broken.

I want to be desperately broken--not to be known that way by others, that's not the point. Desperately broken before God, willing to feel and experience all that He puts in front of me and pour myself out for that--all of myself, everyplace He directs me.

I don't want to miss that.

Even when others don't understand (and in some cases won't), I still want to be pushing deeper, longing for more. Please save me God from all the times I want to keep myself back.

You believe in me.

That's all that matters, that's all that's going to matter in the end!

Hahaha!

So excuse me while I dance...my Saviour is again calling to me.

i want to live fully aware of the knowledge of You, Saviour

i want to be immersed in Your Word

i want Your Songs to flow from my lips

i want Your longings to be my longings

i need Your Courage

i need Your Love

i need that Grace which is only found in Your Sight. keep Your Eyes on me.

i'm sorry for my mistakes and my failures. i get so tired sometimes and i'm never sure if what i'm doing really honors You. i just want to rest in You...but i seem to always be striving and trying to rush ahead, when all that is needed is to sit at Your Feet. teach me to be with You in the waiting.

i'm still here, same house...slightly different people.

many days are filled with business...other days are empty and i feel unsettled--it's the american in me, the one who wants to keep going, because as long as i am busy i am useful and therefore of value, right?

God Laughs.

He loves me. i'm such a mess :)

i read the Magician's Nephew (from the Narnia series) the other day. i especially love the part where Aslan (who is representative of God) is creating Narnia...and it's all through song. Different notes create different animals, plants, hills, stars...it's so beautiful and exactly how i imagine God...always singing over us, sometimes in joy, other times in ways which bring us the healing we so desperately need.

we forget to listen though. this trip, my team had big plans to listen to God together, pray in His Son's name...but it hasn't happened yet. the first time of pray together happened yesterday--and that only because we were gathered with the other missionaries here.

pray we would be joined together--and prayer is the fastest, most glueing way (haha, is glueing a word?) we want to be joined together, strong as a team because we are strong in Him.

Our life is hidden with Christ in God.