My Version of a Support Letter

I am a former schoolteacher turned missionary! Or…wait…I wanted to be a missionary…even had a country in mind (maybe too in mind!) and then—rrr! Sharp right turn!—God had me do all this training to be a schoolteacher First I volunteered, the I got the job as an aide, was a sub and finally became  a full fledged in-my-own-classroom (hallelujah!!!) schoolteacher.

And then He asked me to leave.

I was listening to a teaching on Naomi today. She had accepted the worst for herself. She even wanted her name changed from “pleasant” to “bitter”. This—she had decreed—was her end. Her husband and sons were dead and she had nothing left to lose…or gain.

Or so she thought…

But God goes further, knows deeper and plans better than we ever could have. He knew that Ruth would meet Boaz, get married and have a son who would become such a breath of life to Naomi. Literally, the woman of the village said: “He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” Ruth 4:15

Sometimes dreams die for us. I have had disappointed hopes in these last few years. Times when I wanted to jump forward and found everything pulling me back. I have had a share of mourning and trouble not uncommon to man. But I kept believing, kept hoping and found that life was good, even in the middle of a place I was not anxious to live in (United States of America).

And then suddenly, you get to pick up that dream again. It all comes rushing back this feeling of, ‘I was not made to just stay here. I was made to go…to see and do and be more than I ever could have hoped.’ Not that being a teacher was bad! Despite the struggles of teaching in your first year, I found joy in loving those kids. And not that living in the States is a bad thing—it’s absolutely not: I appreciate a Starbucks on every corner (I’m sitting at one right now) and comfy beds along with everyone else. But something…something was missing.

Like Naomi, I need that thing which will give me life. For her, it was a grandbaby who replaced sons she had lost. For me, it’s living and traveling and doing life in a country not my own, investing in people and seeing them grow. And yeah, I can do this anywhere and I have been able to do this in the United States—but it’s time to move forward into the more, the unique place that only I can occupy-–and only God knows what that looks like! I am being given permission to step into what I thought was lost—life handed back to me again.

That’s a beautiful thing.

I have a few weeks to go before I set foot on Irish soil—a lot to learn, money to raise and tons of joy to be experienced. I am investing what I have earned into this trip, selling my car and holding yard sales. I need your help—however much you would like to invest! If you feel lead of the Lord to support me financially, that business is between you and Him! (But let me know. J) If you would like to be part of my prayer team, excellent! This will be (always is) the biggest need: covering over me as I go out into territory God has promised me will be huge. I am not just going to Ireland, but Northern Ireland, a country whose spunky (and often violent) history I am just becoming familiar with. Prayer for the culture shock I am sure to experience, prayer for healthy team mate relationships, safe flights, provision, my parents and siblings safety—it’s a long list, so if you want to be part of my prayer team, I would love to be able to e-mail you periodically. Any person who goes overseas for a long period of time runs the risk of being forgotten—they become the  person who comes to peoples’ minds as ‘Yeah, Nancy went to so-and-so and I see her on facebook often!’ I don’t want to be that person—the forgotten, almost idealized missionary. I want to be the one who is in your face, telling you how it is, inviting you into the world beyond your neighborhood and keeping you smiling through the ride.

I need your support, and honestly, I think you need my perspective. Not that it’s a correct one, or a safe one or even one you want to hear but…it might help you see the world a little bigger than your backyard and introduce you to faith that goes beyond reason (hmm…that’s kind of the definition of faith, isn’t it?)

So if your game, down or whatever other lingo you got: be brave and e-mail me: teachingisthereason@gmail.com

The Heavy Heart: Reactions to Suffering

I’ve been a mess this year, more than a few times. Circumstances beyond my control coupled with people in my life who make ‘interesting’ choices have left me staring after them with a “What the…?” face (you know the face) and often have resulted in tears as I try to process through their brokenness. It’s one thing to know how people make disasters of their lives, it’s another thing entirely to have someone close to you start hop, skipping and jumping down that road.

At the beginning of this mess, I had a really hard time processing it and in many ways had no safe place to process it (it wasn’t the kind of stuff you bring up at work and that’s where I spent the majority of my time). When I finally was around safe places (Bible study group) or people I literally melted down. I couldn’t hold it all together anymore.

I think it scares people to see you weep, to lament. We live in a culture where we keep quiet and safe and we keep all of our problems close. I know. I was raised very well in this culture, even told that, as a woman, I had no voice. I clearly remember the male figure (not my father) in my life saying, “Are you sure that’s what you believe?” in a mocking, borderline sarcastic tone as I shared what was really on my heart with him about a situation. My opinion had no validity with him (this relationship has changed as I and this person have grown older.) However, the idea was (if they could have controlled me the way they wanted to): sit, down, shut up and do what we expect you to with your life.

That’s perhaps a bit harsh—but that’s just to give you a background on this already over timid daughter and to give glory to God because He has pulled me through and created something out of all that murky timid beginning that will put to shame anyone who wants to claim Christ is irrelevant and out-of-date. Oh yeah? Well, look what He did with my life!!! No argument—He is real. If He can take sheltered, quiet, perfectionist Robin and make her a Warrior in the Kingdom—He can do anything. He can do anything.

I have been changed, set free, given a voice. Even through these circumstances that stand before me now (I’m planning on being in Ireland in two months—a lot goes into that!!!) I am not afraid. Even though some members of my family are still walking down painful, broken roads, we’re not afraid. Even though I have no idea what my future will look like, I have Him. He’s good.

I see His goodness in the people He has set around me this year. Some have not understood as I mourned, lamented in front of them—claiming I have strayed from ‘trusting in the Lord’ but I have had other jewels in the Kingdom teaching me that the Lord is for the ‘cry’. He asks us to cry out to Him (literally ‘shriek’) in the Psalms, to raise a ‘shout’ to the Lord—this Kingdom is about being LOUD.

So, I am not ashamed of being in crisis and being loud about it—of course, I don’t run around shouting about how broken I am on the city streets (I am not CRAZY) but I will break apart in front of safe people that He allows me to be with and I will not hide my pain in a corner. I have friends who are currently doing that and they are currently being undone by their problems rather than undoing the problems.

I refuse to hide.

I refuse to be safe and respectable. I refuse to not acknowledge my pain. I refuse to not cry about all that I see in my life that I must see change. I refuse to be stagnant, to let my family continue as it always has. I refuse to be the bland and predictable person the culture demands I turn into. I refuse to do what the enemy plans—I am breaking into the Lord’s camp!

And again, I am so grateful for the friends who have rallied around—living out His Word as they sympathize with me and cry out alongside me as we seek (through prayer) to call heaven down and bring about the best in our family’s situations. They have been tenderhearted and they show me love when I desperately need it. Best friends, mentors, all you beautiful people the Lord fills with me at the right moments—thank you for being used of the Lord! You lived out 1Peter 3:8 in front of me.

I suppose all of this is to say that I am not ashamed of what I have gone through this year, nor any of my actions as I have processed through the mess that can be life lived alongside other humans. I have not always made the best decisions, but I keep believing in His goodness and what He wants to do in me and my family.

He’s writing a beautiful story, ending unplanned—and I keep seeing those things which other people claim as evil being transformed in His hands into beauty. I am not afraid of the suffering—for it brings out the best beauty in a life yielded to Him.

Living Alive in the Waiting

There's been a lot going on in my life...so much to think through, dreams to examine and sharpen, ideas to process, just stuff to go through--add in needing to leave my apartment and really convincing myself that I truly was allowed to go to Ireland, like I'd been dreaming off and putting on the back burner for months--and you get a slightly stressed Robin.

Or you do without the Lord. Two days ago I was in a funk, sitting on my bedroom floor feeling paralyzed and questioning everything. But today, I am walking, talking and breathing out hope. I am looking at a place to live tonight, being effective in my work and really writing like crazy.

What's the difference? What's the secret formula? How do you go about that kind of change? (I can hear you asking, haha.)

I spent the time in prayer and sought godly counsel. That's it, truly. I am blessed at this point in my life to go to prayer meetings four times a week--it's the off season for teachers and I am being paid at this time to basically seek the Lord. Boy, do I love it. I feel like He is using this season to restore my soul in a way that is desperately needed after my incredibly busy season last year. And I so value and treasure this time of resting and waiting on Him. He's answering my prayers and building a testimony and when the next season comes, I'll be able to hit the ground running and move in Him.

I urge you to just come into an awareness of your season. In mine, at first I wanted to work really, really hard and had created a schedule for myself. It looked REALLY good and productive on paper. Robin likes that. That's not how life with God works--Robin had to adjust her expectations. When I finally asked Him what this season looked like, He said it was a time to rest and wait, because in the next one I would hit the ground running. He had me join a prayer group for my strength, not work as much as a volunteer as I'd like and guess what? I sleep in ALL the time--which I have not done for what seems like years.

You have to know your season. I urge you, take a few moments and ask Holy Spirit what He knows about the season you're in. You'll be surprised. He'll speak and make it clear. Then, take advantage of that season. If its rest, live it to the hilt. If its attack, going after what you've always dreamed of, keep leaning into Him for the wisdom to move forward joyfully and in all of His good timing. If its time to let go of dreams to focus on family, take that detour--be with and love them. If He's asking you to sow into people or a ministry or make a really big job change (maybe some transition) enjoy it.

It's there for you to enjoy, not to stress over. Don't be like me two days ago, stuck in my doubts and afraid. Be like me today, going after what He has placed in me and knowing that I have prayed through all the details and found His reassurance. He wants to reach us, He wants to heal us, He wants to love us and He wants to see us through. Trust Him in ALL of that!

Living in a "Drought'

I hope I can help us do a little remembering where we are, wherever we find our hearts.

There are impossibilities we face as those who follow our King. Obstacles which loom large, mountains we must overcome, dreams yet untasted…too many fall short, look at the disappointment and speak against their own hearts, effectively cutting off what the Lord may want to do through the difficulty. We proclaim our demise before it ever has come to be—for the only true failure is death and even that has been conquered by the Son of Man—and we decide to abandon that which has not even taken it’s last breath yet.

We give in far too easily.

This is a call to come alive again, to dig deep down in the midst of the shattered pieces of your heart—the barbs may cut, the wounds, they do go deep—and begin to cry out again. Put on your tongue the Words Jesus has spoken over you. Many have come from human sources, many more have come from His beautiful Word to His people, the Bible. Wherever you are, start to proclaim truth, life and hope in the form of declarations of His love and provision into the areas of your life which you thought were dead and without hope—He wants to bring a garden to bear there.

It’s a new day.

Your last few seasons, where you have been the last few years, may seem dry and desolate—some would say dead. You can’t see how a garden would ever come to bear a crop here. I say, “Look again!” This is my promise for the next season, after the terrible dryness that hung like clouds of dust in my soul. He may give you your own promise as you look through His Word but in the meantime, borrow mine and proclaim it over whatever the enemy told you was dead and gone. Know that the Lord is certainly not done with you yet and that every Word He sends out will come to bear fruit in His time, as you look into His face. Let His work be done on your life as you cry out for it, continually seeking Him through the night season until you see the break of day.

For the Lord comforts Zion [Robin];

He comforts all her waste places

And makes her wilderness like Eden,

Her desert like the garden of the Lord;

Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.

Isaiah 52:3

My desert will bloom, for He will do the work. It is no longer I but Christ who lives in me and He is the promise of hope, the ultimate promise of a dream fulfilled: the one where death dies. When a resurrected man stands in your camp, you can no longer proclaim “death”. So I call you, church of California, to stop proclaiming “drought” over the land that the Lord has brought under your care. If the risen Savior stands with you, intercedes with you, dreams over you, you cannot proclaim death as your lot anylonger. Begin to seek Him earnestly and ask what He longs to see done in this nation, starting here, in California, this beautiful state. Then, once you have heard living words from Him, begin to proclaim them and not the word of the world. We are called to be a peculiar people. Begin now. Seek His face while it may be found and CRY OUT for rain!!!

A few more pictures of Yosemite just four years ago, before we started crying out 'Drought!' He can restore...