Will You Let Him Create You Into Something Precious?

I don't know how we manage to survive life.

There are so many dangers and pitfalls...so many things we aren't even aware of that are constantly pitting themselves against you (for Christians its spiritual warfare, all the lies we must toss aside to keep fighting) or not (think non-Christians who are going the way of the world--ultimately destruction--and Satan blithely lets them keep to their course).

It's been crazy the last few months...I'm literally exhausted from the assault...and yet He was there through it all. But He couldn't take it away--that was not part of the plan. That wouldn't cause any growth.

I had to live through it.

The Lord has been teaching and speaking to me lately about the truly precious things of this world--diamonds, gold, pearls--and how these beautiful precious pieces do not come about by any accident. Rather it takes focused time (pearls), heat (gold) and energy (diamonds) to create these precious pieces--and why would He not take the same time and care with me? He knows exactly how much heat I can handle (gold), the pressure I can withstand (diamonds) and just how much waiting I can endure (pearls) and if I'll stay with Him, I'll see the results: the gold, diamonds and pearls coming alive in my life. But if I chose to shrink back and not allow Him to do the work...I remain unrefined and will turn out to be just plain old dirt...it's the process that creates the jewels. Am I willing to let Him see me through these trying times?

What would your answer be?

So Lord, even here, where I am most broken and doubting I will let you speak peace and comfort over me. I will choose to believe that You are good and You are doing good things even in my life, even when I can't see it. I know my breakthrough is around the corner and my victory is on its way--for You are the One orchestrating the paths and plans of my life. I know because I ultimately gave my life over to You and every day I choose to be a living sacrifice--for good or ill, in richness and poverty, until You come again. You know how the battle rages and You know how You're making me strong enough to endure. The precious, priceless things you are creating in me are worth all the heartache, strain and waiting. I don't know the end of my story--or how You will see us through, but I trust You. I know You are at work and I will never stop asking You to intervene. You gave it all up for us on the Cross so we could have all we need as well as abundant life and I am claiming that promise true over my life and the lives of my family, no matter where they are with You. You are more than this situation, You are more than the tears I cry and the prayers I pray and I am so thankful. Thank you for creating in me an "oak heart" (as my good friend Natalie prophesied). Now fill it with Yourself.

Ever Yours,
Your Kid and little piece of glory (as Robin has sometimes been translated), Robin

Getting through the Heartbreak! :)

You know, the one thing that breaks my heart (literally) is the way that we men and women can play games with each other.

I see it do so much damage, the little bits of flirting coupled with the indecisiveness on the part of some of the parties involved...like one of my favorite pastors says (Nathan Edwardson) it leaves us women "wondering and wandering".

I was involved in a situation like this several years ago. Of course, being me and the scared rabbit that i sometimes revert to, I was very hard to read. (I don't make it easy for a guy to pursue me :)) And yeah, maybe it was all in my head. But is it normal for a guy to tell you about how he asked a girl to the dance and then asks you to show up as well?

Wondering and wandering...

Yeah, I didn't go to that dance. Instead I hung out in my dorm lobby with a few other girls and scrapbooked my heart out. The result is hanging on my wall, a sort of forgiveness to myself for letting my heart goes so far out there for this guy only to find him (perhaps not intentionally) rejecting me. There was so much hurt in me after this incident--I remember heading out to the back 40 (a little bit of woods behind my college) and probably straining my guitar (as well as the ears of any who heard me) as I cried out my heart in song.

Heartbreak comes so easy to us girls...

So much has been written about sexual purity that it can get a bit overdone. How many times do we have to hear...? and it still hasn't penetrated on some level--girls make crazy choices still...

I want to address the heart.

That's what I lost in my "battle" for purity...that's what I was never warned about, not directly. I read Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity book over and over until it was worn out, then gave it away and a friend (Justina!) gave it to me for Christmas. I practically had that book, which details her relationship with Jim Elliot, memorized (and read as many other purity books as possible) but it was no help when I faced the relational stickiness of my life.

 Maybe we all need to get hurt to learn. Maybe joy only comes and can truly be felt on the wings of sorrow (because God truly does work all things for our good--take heart!). but if I can shed some light on this subject and bring hope to another soul, I'm more than happy to share my pain and how God has brought me through.

See, we women are just made differently than men and we need to realize that and move from that. We are created with very tender hearts--and relationships just look different for us and to us. Smart guys know this--they get the girl by talking her up, activating her heart. We lose our hearts before we lose our bodies--this is the truth. And it doesn't take much--a little bit of hanging out, hearing this guy's story even minutely--if that guy is in anyway attractive to you, you'll be hooked.

And I know, it is a little different for everybody. This girl likes a guy who owns a truck goes hunting and works on the farm. This girl wants a guy who has a college degree and a kind heart. This girl wants the guy who feeds homeless people and will travel the world. The right guy at the right time...that's who you fall for.

But what do you do when your dream guy shows up, becomes friends with you and then moves on?

I've felt that pain...it was like someone had taken a firecracker and set it off in my heart, oblivious to the damage it would cause. I walked around with a brokenness in me that I didn't know could exist. Oh, and that wrenching? it would only get worse if I saw him. I never understood what they meant when they said you could die from a broken heart--until I saw him unexpectedly in the library one day (we hadn't been talking for months) and my heart about tried to twist out of my chest. Excruciating.

But there is hope, redemption and healing...I left that scene, went and stood in the hallway and all of a sudden a balm (call it the balm of Gilead) came flowing over my heart. I literally felt a warmth flowing over my heart, bringing healing to broken places. I knew my Lord had seen me, seen the part I played in this affair and loved me still--would even comfort me and allow me to be wrapped up in His arms.

That's how I made it through the next couple years as I worked on my teaching credential and he worked on his relationship with the other girl. It was lonely--the loneliest times of my minute existence--but I was never alone. The tears were caught, the questions settled by peace and strength that I never knew I could have came. I was even grateful--not for the pain, but that God had His timing--and I knew that dating at that time of my life would have been ridiculous--there was just too much else going on.

The time will come...and a worthy man will come along, one who will treasure your heart, that precious peace of you that you must not give away freely. That is worth fighting for--and worth healing for.

And when rejection comes--and your heart gets crippled--stretch out your hands to Daddy. He loves you dearly and He will see you through the process--for however long it takes. For so many years, I felt such shame...but God saw me even through that. Loved me there. He'll do the same for you. His love is that great. It is enough...

How To Be Lovely

this was my soundtrack while I wrote this blog:

I think we've focused so much on being beautiful that we've forgotten how to be lovely.

I only noticed this because of the way that men have reacted to me lately.

It seems I have cultivated that "gentle and quiet spirit" that is of such worth to God and apparently--it's attractive.

People like to have a place where they can feel comfortable and secure--isn't that what most mothers offered?

We want to be safe and loved and cared for well--and truly, the only people who we can be safe and loved and well cared for by are those who have found themselves in turn safe and loved and well cared for. You cannot give away what you have never taken the time to receive.

I have received in abundance in the last few months--something beautiful. I didn't mean to end up in this place I am in--both spiritually and physically--but I have chosen into it. I have not turned my back or walked away or tried to distract myself from my reality. I chose, as I have chosen with every painful season that the Lord has had me in lately, to walk with Him through it. To see what He was saying and chose to take His kisses of love as they come.

Every once in a while it bogs me down (thinking back to just half an hour ago) but then I remember the goodness of my God and the way He has kept being faithful--the way He has taken such good care of me. It's astonishing, His faithfulness, and I will not fear anymore--even when I end up unemployed in Coarsegold--because God can take my deepest fears and turn them back around into something beautiful for His glory--and I'll never stop looking for that--and He knows it. He keeps asking me to trust Him and I just keep saying yes--because He loves me and I know it and that's all a human really needs.

That's what makes you lovely. That's how you can be lovely to the world--by knowing how well you are loved today.

Take that situation--wherever you find yourself today, whatever situation it is or relationship that you wish you could get out of or just the feeling in your head that you can't  shake--and offer it to the Lord. Be honest with how you feel about it--cry a little (cry a LOT!) and then look Him in the face and recognize that this love is for you. We can all choose into being His children, being His beloved ones, being lovely. All it takes is a prayer, a turning to Him with all you are.

And doesn't our world need to be more lovely?