The Workings Out of a Heart Not Fully Formed Yet

I write because I dream: I see this world as a place the Kingdom of God is constantly breaking into and I want to join my King Jesus in whatever way He sees fit to bring His life, His Presence, here.

This journey has taken me all over the world and lead to encounters with incredible men and women of God: their lives have imprinted mine. This blog is a result of our conversations and questions, and a way for me to display my inner life with God, so that others may see the glory of a life given fully over to her Creator. I, and the ones I love, are no special people--we just partner with an amazing God.

We've seen suffering. We know doubt. We wrestle with where we have been and how we got there--but we will never give up. Our lives are a testament to His faithfulness.

Be Blessed as you read. Encounter the King.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Sometimes life is really hard...

Love especially...

Loving other people at their worst, seeing good and remembering who created them even when they seem so far from Him...loving a man, seeing the good in him and...gosh, I don't know.

I think I loved someone a long time ago. I just looked at pictures of him and his girlfriend, which might have been a bad idea, but I needed too...I will fall in love someday, I just wish it could have been him...

haha, why do I even write this? Just for this: to get it out. To see it for its idiocy and move on. My life is really full and I'm glad I'm not married--first of all, because it just wouldn't fit into all that is happening in my life right now (student teaching leaves no room for relationships--I really shouldn't even be blogging right now :) but I can't not get this out somewhere) and I still have time to be selfish...I was just talking with my mom and she said that marriage shows you how selfish you are and being a parent shows it even more! You have to attend to their needs and forget your own. Wow!

Jesus teach me to be lovely, in the midst of all that life has to offer. Thank you for blessing me with good friends, a chance to speak of you and draw near to you (we had such a good small group at my house last night) and for the kids I get to love in the classroom. There's so much good happening in my life and this one small part (well, it becomes a really good and huge part of your life when it happens) does not define me right now. I am not the girl who is not in a relationship right now: I am the girl, nay WOMAN!, who loves Jesus, is learning to worship and abide in Him through her whole life and gets to love others into knowing Him. She works hard, loves her job and has loving parents...

I see what this is...I just need to go spend some time with Jesus for a while, letting Him speak what He will to me...teaching me truth and that there is more beyond what I can see. I trust my heart, broken as it is, to You...

Keep me in Your light...I know where You are....You hold me together.
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