“To me, love means self giving...and I've come to understand
it in this way over a lot of years--even a year ago, I wouldn't have been able
to tell you it in that concise of language. To elaborate--if you love someone
it takes you outside of yourself and your comfort zone and your needs--you lose
yourself in taking care of them. It's like you choose (sometimes easy and
sometimes hard) to let yourself take the backseat and get wrapped up in caring
for them, taking care of their needs, making sure they are safe and becoming
productive and finding wholeness. Now, to clarify, if this is done without the
help of the Holy Spirit and His guiding grace and well as boundless love and
energy, you will fall short. (And you'll mess up regardless). I find more and
more--especially working in my classroom--that I must have my source--love, joy
and hope--coming from God through the Holy Spirit before I can ever reach out
to my kids or anyone else in true life-giving love. So, if you want to love
well, you must first be loved well, but you cannot seek the totality (you may
find a bit of it) in the love you receive from other humans. Your first source
always has to be God and Jesus through the Holy Spirit. I see a lot of people
striving to show love to others because they're Christians and we're told to
love everyone and they become co-dependent (their thinking becomes "my
only true source of worth is in being needed by someone”) and they become burnt
out. They surrounded themselves with needy people because that gave them worth
and then the needy people took and took and took from them, they eventually become
so depleted that they can't even function anymore...but it's addicting!!! I
speak from experience in this regard--my mom was a classic co-dependent (and
she knows it) so I learned all those behaviors and had to unlearn many things
(with Jesus' help!! haha). Now I'm a co-dependent--but I am co-dependent on
God, not other people, to fill me and...in a strange way that I don't
understand...He needs me. We were created to be partners with Him--He needs us
to work alongside Him to do all those good works He planned long in advance for
us to do. (but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation).”
“Romantic love--it's not like the movies. I
like calling it an ordinary miracle--here is a selfish human being whose only
thought was for him or her self--and then all of a sudden, someone comes along
who fills their world and they are willing to put aside their wants and needs
to serve, encourage and bring hope to this individual. Their life expands and
they begin to see the whole world differently. I think we get caught up in all
the benefits that come to us (that's what movies portray--you find a person who
'completes' you and you don't argue--it's all bubbles and sunshine and if at
some point it's not working out for you, you step away). But that's not God’s
idea--He wants a Christian marriage to put Him on display--and He has
faithfulness that see us through whatever mess you're in, love that does not
change based on how you treat Him and joy in the exchange--He delights in
seeing you do well and will do whatever it takes to see that you are
successful. The way Timothy Keller puts it is this "If you can see the
mess in a person's life and it doesn't scare you off, but rather you can also
see the person they have the potential to become and are willing to work with them
in the midst of that...you could marry that person." (that's a total
paraphrase)”
“In other words--you're not in it for what
you get out of it. Every person has this potential that we catch small glimpses
of--like when a majestic mountain shows itself through the clouds. A lot of
days, the person they're becoming is veiled in a way--hidden behind the clouds.
You have to hang in through those days when they're just an ordinary, messy
human being and keep loving with all the strength He gives you. “
“So 'romantic' love has super awesome
benefits--we know all about those (haha, no, we don't--not married yet :) ) but it's just as tough to love
them--especially when we get used to them--IF we don't choose to be filled with
the love of the Lord...and HE TOTALLY WILL ALWAYS FILL US--we have to keep
choosing to submit to His guidance and leading as it comes to learning how to
love our spouse (when that day comes :) ) but it's not going to be impossible.”
“So...all of that long realm of words sums
up to this--it's really important to put Jesus in the middle--He is what makes
the miracle of love possible. You cannot love properly without first being
filled and empowered by His love and don't think they're going to be
perfect--they won't and neither will you. But if the Lord reveals to you
who/what they are becoming--you can see them as they are and know that it is
worth marching up this mountain with them. You will choose to stand beside them
in the storms of life because you know that this life--his (your husband) is worth
fighting for and Jesus has so much love in front of us.”
“I hope this makes sense and isn't just a
lot of overwhelming words. It's never going to be perfect--but it will be worth
it.”
