May YOU know HIM

Peace...the kind that surpasses all understanding...

I'm supposed to be creating my unit on snowy owls but I'm going to take this moment to rest and reflect and remember...(plus my research is done--it's all just fun now, putting together the activities!).

i write about peace because it's what i can see on my face in the picture i toook just a few minutes ago for my fb profile (it had been six months since the picture changed--i don't look the same, haha!) anyway, that peace--it's just marched inside, grabbed hold of my insides and won't ever let go again. it's a little like joy in that regard. not that i won't have moments of panic--those just happen--but that those moments can never overthrow me. i trust in and fear the Lord, therefore my heart stands firm. you can find that in the psalms.

i just want to be grateful for a few minutes. i have been through the rough things in life--not the roughest, but still rough--and i haven't been overthrown--i've actually been victorious. like what my pastor said when he called me to the front to pray over me last Sunday: i've been through the fire, but it hasn't destroyed, just refined. there's an anointing on me for whatever the heck is to come! haha and i honestly have no clue what that means but the Lord is speaking "mighty Warrior" into all those places where the enemy has whispered "weak"--and I hear that shout! ooh...the goodness of God in my life, how He has brought me through.

Peace--the battle hasn't ended yet--in fact, i think it's just ramping up with me getting ready to be thrown out into all that He has for me--but i will never be shaken now. I will never be dismayed, let go of, abandoned, called hopeless--it's all before me now, a future bright with hope and literally unspeakable. it's the things that have to be lived to be known--that's what's before me. it sounds otherworldly and super vague and...there are no words, but i am excited for what is to come, whatever it may bring. just join with me in thanking Him, for making us--little messes with big hearts who need His love--and He's willing to share Himself, all of Himself (He did it through Jesus on the cross) because He knew we needed him and the only way for us to be made complete was to be found in Him, find life through Him. Because Jesus didn't stay on the Cross--that's only half the story and the icky half at best--He came back to life! And brings us life! So that we are no longer stuck in all that held us down--but we can find Peace...

Peace...the kind that surpasses all understanding...

May YOU know HIM.

VICTORY DANCE

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men! Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks! Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle. But you shall be a miracle." (Phillip Brooks)

Jesus...you've been at work in me a long time. This is my victory dance!

After church the other day, the Lord was talking with me. Just out of nowhere as I got into the car He said, "I like doing miracles. Will you be my miracle?" I just laughed out loud--the week before had been hell (too much isolation and I don't know what all!) and I had school the next morning for the first time in three weeks...it was just a funny moment to be asked to be a miracle. But, of course, I said, "Yes" and the fruit of my life since that moment (it's been four days) is just incredible...

And of course, this miracle has been in process for who knows how many years--well, I do know. Three. I wrote a blog almost three years ago when I started going through the first really hard trial (it involved a boy...and him dating another girl) and the Lord comforted me then...let me know that three years from then the ache would be healed, it was worth hoping...

And He has done all that He promised. Obviously I'm not married--not even aware of anyone that I should start dating--but that doesn't matter as much. It just doesn't. I trust my Lord so much-especially in this part of my life where I am so vulnerable and He knows the weight of it and knows what He wants to do--that I refuse to be like the world around me, overly obsessed with what may happen and who they're going to have their next crush on. I've seen His timing too often. I know He's good. He's going to love me through.

The second part of this quote by Phillips Brook that I had never seen before and am now living in the joy of:

"Every day you shall wonder at yourself, at the richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God."

I am His miracle!

"Don't Foregt to Write" and "How Do You Like My Christmas Decorations?"

ahh!! it's been so long since i've gotten to write...feels good. i mean, i still do write in my journal--just haven't had opportunity to be on the internets and just blog in forev's...cause when i got a job and moved out i tried to prevent myself from becoming a lonely drawn into myself person--hmm, i guess that's commonly called a recluse--by not getting internet...cause that would make me go out and see people more and have them over...i don't think it's working: example: i had up christmas decorations--i.e. really random stuff that my grandma gave me when she saw me at thanksgiving and remembered i lived alone--and i put them up...and i took them down...and i was the only one who ever saw them. hahahahahaha!!! maybe it's only funny to me, maybe i'm actually a little pathetic--but i'm also really okay with it. honestly, there are worse lives to live.

it's like the state of my classroom currently--i'm reorganizing and redoing everything because a grand sweep before the new school year starts is completely necessary from my viewpoint: i'm tired of floating by, i'm going to to be very formulated and planned out in this new year. in any case, to do this, i am literally reorganizing every bit of beautiful bluish-grey-green carpeted area that the good Lord has given me at this school. the second day into it i gazed around and was like--ahh! there's so much more left to do! but then i had to remind myself: you took on all this--you're reorganizing everything. it's going to take time. and that's what the Lord has been doing in my life--stripping away everything that only halfway worked and putting His heart and His plans and His hope into all those places. it sure felt like h-e- double hockeysticks (as junior high friends used to say, back in the day) but He has literally reorganzied everything...i see myself now and how all manner of things have changed for good in my heart, mind and actions through this stripping-away process--and i find myself grateful, really grateful.

He didn't want to leave me the way i was...He saw some potential...i released control...and He went to work. it's been crazy...but i love it.

so if you've worried about me...or stood on the sidelines and prayed...however you choose to prticipate in my life--it's working. He's good. He sees the potential, the work it'll take, the end result and He says: "I want to see you through." And He does.

HE'S GOOD. BELIEVE IT FOR YOUR LIFE, BELIEVE IT FOR YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.

Sometimes what looks like the end is essentially only the beginning: HALLELUJAH.


living in a new year