Christ Heals All Wounds

It's that quiet time of night again...

Just reflecting on life--lately, I think I'm headed uphill. For a long time this summer, I was content with being "under the weather" I guess you'd say. I didn't mind not being close to God...or maybe its not that I didn't mind but I'd resigned myself to it. Every time I came home for summer I got cut off from community and isolated to my own little world where depression just waited for me and the only way out was to be constantly distracted. Summer was a lonely time, a time where I gained weight and wished...wished I could have fellowship.

I didn't want to come home this summer. I tried every which way to get out of it...but the Lord lead me home. The week before I finished school He spoke to me while I was in church, just letting me know that I should go home and that He was going to bring freedom to my family in a way they had never known.

So I went...

But then...resignation. My family has pulled together while I've been here and I have had so much come together in these last few months: I finally got my driver's license; I got a job, the job I wanted and my parents even bought me a car (which I have yet to learn how to drive! Stick shift, you make me cry!) Good things were and are happening...but there was still that sticking point in me, this...thing which I didn't move past. Part of it was shame, a shame which I will no longer claim and which tormented me and then added to that was this lie: "You've made it so that God can't use you. Do you realize what you've done, how far off track you are? You'll never be more than this." Oh, those lies...even writing them out makes me realize how potent they were and how I had feed myself just a little bit more of them each day. How I needed (still need) truth and yet I denied myself because I felt I was not worthy...

We have a God who never gives up on us, amen? A God who bends time and moves in miracles to make all that He wants to come to pass a reality. A God on our side, with no reservations about His love and how He lavishes it upon us. I didn't think I was worthy, I felt sure I had fallen to far and boy was I right! For all fall short of the glory of God...but how does that verse end?

Romans 3:24-25 "Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood."

Hallelujah! I can live with that! Christ is the One who has done the work, I rely fully upon Him for my cleansing and renewal.

You know, we sang a song at my new church this Sunday that really got to me. It's just this one part about those who have ridden the river of heartache...I just wept at those words. I need Jesus so bad, in ways that I can't put into words, because I have been cut deeper than I know--but he can heal. He's already at work in my life, repairing and restoring and preparing me for a new day. I sincerely believe that. And I don't care what that new day holds, husband or no, because I know Christ will always be at my side and that is truly enough. I can say that again with utmost confidence, confidence I haven't had for a while--possibly months.

I will be reminded of this last season I was in constantly...but the pain is easing. It is. Time doesn't heal all wounds--but Christ does, if we let Him. If we allow Him in, He can truly do all things. He really can make everything new.

Looking forward to my new day and holding onto the promises I've already been given,
His daughter, Robin

P.S. I'm praying with expectancy again! God, we're looking for the answers to our prayers! Maranatha!

Haha...I usually don't watch Glee...but I did tonight. And boy was I glad...

The song they sang for "Nationals" was amazing. I watched it three times. And the choice Rachel was trying to make--seems like its been a reoccuring theme, something I see or read continually: your dreams or the boy?

In "Man and Boy" a British book I read last week, the women who married the main character gave up her dream of going to Japan to stay with him. In the end, they had a son and a divorce. She did get back to Japan, but all she found there after all those years was an American man who she became engaged to. And Rachel in Glee tonight...she has the voice to go to Broadway, but there's also this boy who she has loved for a long time. He wants her back--but she wants to go to New York...

The choice...

I see the end and the beginning and the bits that would have come unraveled, try as we may. So I bid adieu...

College can feel like such a crucial time. Especially at a Christian college, it can feel like its now or never!!! If you can't find a decent guy here, you probably won't find one anywhere else! At least...that can be the impression that my Christian college left...luckily, God knows better. And sure, my school had cute guys...but I have to marry a guy who has guts, brains, is sweet and has a good laugh. No ifs, ands, or buts!!! And that's a tall order to fill--possibly an impossible one...

But I know my dreams...even when they hurt me. And God knows my dreams even better. Where I see frustration and feel rage, He is already setting a plan in motion. O give me the will and ability to stay in step with You!

Because only You are the maker and tamer of dreams, the Ruler of all. I see impossibilities and weaknesses...You see strength and goodness. Where I despair and grow faint of heart, You step in with all You are. I had forgotten...O how You remind me.

I am in awe of my Creator...in Him my dreams lie complete.

A Beginning...

An update!!! I have a friend who will be joining me, her name is Bre :) I am blessed to be able to call her my friend. We're separated for the summer, so I thought writing to each other via this blog would be an awesome way to stay in touch. Welcome Bre!!!

I had my first day of work today...I'm a hostess in the morning (have to be there at 6 am, with a 45 minute commute)...it was good, but so busy! And today was a moderately calm day--yikes! I feel tired, but I'll get used to it. It's funny--my first time having an ordinary, real summer job...it would happen that I'd be graduated from college before I had the typical summer job. God always makes my life so opposite of what is normal for everyone else--but in a good way :)

Anyway, encouragement is greatly needed at this point in my life...I found it in this youtube video this morning. May you be blessed and encouraged by it as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mohyR5xowFw&feature=related

Blessings, Robin