Misty Edwards Collage/Thoughts

It's a Friday night--and you know what those are good for: undistracted reflection!!!

So, I have Misty Edwards music playing and whatever comes out during this time...will come out :)

Song I'm listening to right now:
"You hedge me in
with skin
all around me

I'm a garden enclosed
a locked garden
life takes place, behind the place

It's you and me alone God (4x-ish)"

Hmmm...I wonder...people's lives are moving forward but I'm not concerned with that:
"I'm no longer my own, I'm your garden
I don't want to waste my time living on the outside,
I'm gonna live from the inside out"

Exactly what the lyrics say is so true for me. I am no longer my own, I am His garden. I definitely have felt pruned this season, but it is so that I can bear more fruit. Maybe I'm on the edge of everything and don't even know it! I just am learning to rest completely in Him and leave the results up to Him. And that's the best place for me right now. I have more than proved that I can not handle my life or make good choices on my own (especially as it comes to relationships). I am so glad for God's keeping and His leading in my life.

"What does love look like? is the question I've been pondering..."

So true of my life right now...

"I once believed that love was romance, just a chance...
but love is more than this
All you ever wanted was my attention...to sit here at your feet...
if all of life comes down to love..."

And so true, that it can be seen in Christ's love--what was the expression in His eyes as He died for us on that cross?

"I could not escape those beautiful eyes
He had arms wide open a heart exposed
He had arms wide open
He was bleeding, bleeding..."

If I'm single for the rest of my life...but I know Him...I will have missed nothing.

"You shall love me...you shall love me...you shall love me....you shall love me...
With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open
Bleeding, sometimes bleeding
You shall love me..."

This is the way I have chosen, one life fully committed to the cross and the love shown there...I had forgotten.

Haiti...Haiti needs wounded healers.

"You'll come alive when you learn to die
You shall love me...you shall love me...you shall love me..."

Wounded healers are those who have felt the pain and been through the struggle of life's day to day (perhaps cancer, war, death, sickness) and serve others out of that place and love and bring the healing and comfort that they have received into the broken places they encounter in others.

It's not about being perfect...it's about offering the comfort you have recieved with arms wide open to those who need to know of and feel its power. God on display in your life.

New song playing now:
"I live only to see your face,
so shine on me..."

Crying out, desperate: that was all me last Sunday in worship. I had nowhere to turn and had come to the end of myself this last break--oh, if the secrets of my heart were to be exposed I would not have a friend left! But God...He sees the most desperate, sinful, fallen times...the times when we abandon hope and forget to trust in Him...and He still loves us.

I was desperate for that love...I cried out...and even now, I don't know if I am completely open to it the way I long to be, but I want His love to be more and more predominant in my life.

"My soul longs for you
Nothing else will do
I believe you will come like the rain..."

Oh!!! There was a vision I had once of myself as a real small girl, just desperate and crying out on her knees in a really dusty, empty season of life...and then she was drenched with water and the pure ecstasy on her face was unmatched anywhere. May I be overflowing with Your presence, Beauty and Power in the days to come...I believe...

"Hallelujah, hallelujah
You'll make all things new..."

Even Haiti...even my heart

"So let it rain, let it rain, let it rain, let it rain..."

Livin' the New Life!!!!!!!

I've sworn off facebook for a while, so I'll have to put all my thoughts here :) ...it's actually better in its own way, because I hate posting one-liners. I always have much more to say than fits in the box/I think of more things I wish I could bring to others attention.

Okay, one thing about me: I LOVE THE CIVIL WARS!!! And I don't mind shouting it (electronically). I love it even more after reading about why they are called the Civil Wars.

"Q. Why did you call yourselves the Civil Wars?

WILLIAMS I came up with the name. It has nothing to do with the historical meaning. There is a great quote that I believe is Plato, who said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” As I was thinking about the music we make, that sense of battle seemed applicable. That sense of yin and yang, of male and female, of our differing backgrounds, all that seemed to allude to the battles that we all face with faith or addictions or jobs or relationships. Every single person walking down the street is fighting a great battle, whether or not you can see it."

This comes from an interview which you can find here: Civil Wars Interview with NY Times

So true, huh? We are all fighting our own private battles...

Mine has consumed me a bit too much lately :)

Yes, I am lonely...but who isn't? It's a symptom of human nature...I suppose I always thought I was above all those things--but this year (and many years of my existence) have proven otherwise.

I guess I'm seeing and living my humanity and learning to be okay with it.

See, there are two different ways to be a Christian. The first, and easiest, is to appear to follow all the rules that are set out by Christianity (don't murder, cheat, lie, steal) and keep to yourself. This way of living is very easy and easily done in our culture of isolation. You can live for years thinking that you are a "good Christian" and don't need to make any changes in your life (because you don't--you aren't harming anyone and other people see your good behavior and constantly praise you for it).

I lived this illusion. It wasn't a bad thing, in its own way--it's just that...you are missing the fullness that Christ always meant you to have. You are living life on your own terms and it stunts you. Life to the fullest doesn't always mean the biggest, brightest butterflies and happy feelings all the time. It means you may feel pain, and it means you have questions that make you churn in your bed at night and keep you from being able to look other people in the face.

I think its so funny...I'm living the second way now and its the strangest thing...I have been exposed to more pain and sorrow in the last few years than I had any idea I would go near. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Haiti--oh, how I feel in love with that place!!! And how it broke me into pieces...I said that "yes", the yes you should never give but absolutely have to when God asks you. I found the "yes" again recently in a letter I sent out to my supporters after the last time I went to Haiti.

I have said the final yes.

Yes to whatever God wants to put in front of me or take away.

In the sacrifice, I find that it has been no sacrifice at all, because of all that I have gained.

That is what Haiti is to me.

A sacrifice of praise…

A prayer to God on behalf of a seemingly hopeless nation…

only to find His joy and kindness and goodness spilling out and overwhelming me.

The road ahead may be steep and filled with pain--but the sacrifice is worth it. Haha! I just need the reminding every once in a while. The things I am trading for now will be nothing compared with what God does in the future. I not only have Haiti to look forward to, but also heaven! And what a rejoicing that will be.

So I live the second life now. It hurts at times, but the joy is also there. I would much rather this--caring deeply about things and knowing that life is not all sunshine and sweet things, than the life I lived. I want to know the world the way that Jesus did--and still love it, the way that Jesus did. It's easy to love when all is right and you feel no longings or pain. The harder rode to travel is one where you feel all the pain, humiliation and lose and still respond with love.

I'm still learning...but this is what I choose.