The Workings Out of a Heart Not Fully Formed Yet

I write because I dream: I see this world as a place the Kingdom of God is constantly breaking into and I want to join my King Jesus in whatever way He sees fit to bring His life, His Presence, here.

This journey has taken me all over the world and lead to encounters with incredible men and women of God: their lives have imprinted mine. This blog is a result of our conversations and questions, and a way for me to display my inner life with God, so that others may see the glory of a life given fully over to her Creator. I, and the ones I love, are no special people--we just partner with an amazing God.

We've seen suffering. We know doubt. We wrestle with where we have been and how we got there--but we will never give up. Our lives are a testament to His faithfulness.

Be Blessed as you read. Encounter the King.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Journals and Workings of a Heart Set to Follow


These are all pre-trip journals. This first entry is from a few weeks before my trip, on the day my little bro graduated high school:
                                                                                                 
     Jesus.
     You remind me of hope. One visit by You to our planet changed everything. I will not believe this statement: "one accidental human visitor has little chance of making a difference in their lives." You have absolutely refuted this claim through Your life. 
    What these people need is someone to stay, to dwell with them, to care and love enough to make a commitment.
    "I [was] never meant to do this on [my] own"  from 'I'll Be There for You'
    I know my God will be with me wherever I go. There is too much suffering in this world, too much that needs changing, for me to stay here and be comfortable. I must move, God guide me. And no matter what I lose, I will still follow.
     It's only by Your grace and Your power and Your love that I am able to do anything. Help me to always remember that I am completely reliant on You.
     "Tell the world that Jesus lives..."
     What do you desire for me, Lord?
     What do you desire of me, Lord?
                                     --June 11th, 2008

Helping out with the Drama Portion of my churches Vacation Bible School Program:

     I think I've realized a few things this week. Maybe things being reaffirmed.
     First, I've got to get serious about God. No more of this mushy, gushy, "I love Jesus" talk and "did you have fun?" I was doing VBS this week, teaching through drama and reading Keith Green's biography, written by his wife. I was good at what I did in VBS, people kept giving me compliments ad Brenda [children's pastor at the church] told me I could have a future in children's ministry...I could have taken a lot of pride in that and I'm sad to say I did. One girl came up to me in chapel and asked me to sign her balloon. At least that's what I thought she said. Turns out she wanted me to tie it.
     But if this isn't all pointing back to Jesus...what exactly am I doing this for? And who? For Brenda, who when I saw her come into the room, my heart skipped a beat. Two of my old friends showing up again--pride and my need to please people. No wonder I keep reading the verse "for they loved the praise of man more than the praise of God". I believe it's a warning.
     Yes, I could go into children's ministry and I could be good at it too. But for the glory of who?
                                  --June 27th, 2008

     I'm supposed to write a lot, when I go to Haiti. And I'm supposed to only take one book, called The Sacred Romance. I'm reading another book while at home about the life of Peter Marshall, written by his wife. The book is A Man Called Peter and the theme of The Sacred Romance can be summarized through this quote from A Man Called Peter:
     "...idealism of Peter's was no mere sentimentality, for it was rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. Indeed, every sermon Peter preached was a word drama, whose gigantic backdrop was a picture etched in bold strokes of God's age-long courtship of the human race. To the preacher, all human history was but the tale of God's tender wooing of the self-willed, stubborn hearts of men and women--a drama that culminated in the Cross. No romance could ever equal the romance of Calvary..." (pg. 81)
                          --July 4th, 2008

    ...remember that always and in every place, Christ has made victory possible for us.
Remember that always and in every place, Christ has made victory possible for us!
supplement our small faith, Lord!
Let us know Your face, Your name our hope! For You alone can do all things. In Your name, Jesus, do we go forth!
                          --July 5th, 2008

This song, a bit of it, came to mind last week. I found out what song it was and found a video of it on Youtube and I’ve been watching and singing with it all week. The song is “You Are My Stronghold” by Watermark. I love the message of this song, it’s so powerful and it speaks to my situation. A song given to me by the Lord.

Lord, You are my light and my salvation
Whome shall I fear if you are near?
Lord, You are my peace when there is war all around me
And even there inside me I will have no fear

(Chorus)
O Lord, You’re my protection from my enemies
You set me high upon a rock and You defend my soul
And when their ways advance against me
I am confident
That they cannot make me less,
For You have made me whole

Lord, You are my strength, so let my head be lifted up
That I may glory in the ways You’ve overcome
Lord, You are my home because You’ve created in me
A heart that lives the victory that You’ve already won

(2x Chorus)
                                                        --July 5th, 2008

At this point, I’ve met up with my team and we’re preparing to go!:

We drew what part of the body we felt we were and immediately, as Katie was talking about the activity, a picture of a heart popped into my mind. My gift is faith, knowing God can do anything and that is central. I also think I have the gift of mercy and that is central to the heart…I don’t know, I almost felt like I was being prideful, saying I was such a central part, but all the parts are important. I’m no more important…if we were all heart and no brains, where would we be?
                --July 6th, 2008 (going to Haiti tomorrow!)

The day we leave:

A promise: At your weakest point, you will be protected.
“Through it all God wanted to prove to Israel that He alone was their defense. He wanted to convince them, ‘This isn’t your battle. Victory will never come through your own hands. It will not happen through your muscle, might or power. It will come to you only through My Spirit.” (Knowing God By Name, 70)
having no confidence in the flesh
“cast…[your]self completely into the arms of your heavenly Father…refuse…to put [your] confidence in man or in [your] own strength…” (pg. 72, same book)
            You call us to something that transcends safety and common sense” (pg. 60, Sacred Romance), something glorious for Your Kingdom.
            The shout of a King is among us!
            “For the Lord their God is with them;
he has been proclaimed their king.
God brought them out of Egypt;
For them He is as strong as a wild ox.
No curse can touch Jacob;
No magic has any power against Israel.
For now it will be said of Jacob,
‘What wonders God has done for Israel!’”
Numbers 23:21-23
Same God is with us today. So strong, so powerful with a love so deep. Though we hurt Him, He still loves, as a mother loves the baby in her womb. [From modern Robin—just felt like this needs to be said: We are called to deep, inordinate love—every single human one of us. This flies in the face of all that the world cries to us about protecting ourselves and only loving when we are sure of gain from it—our King teaches deeper and better. He shows the love of a mother, who though her baby was deformed and might infringe upon her life, refused to even consider an abortion. Though this baby had been only a few weeks growing in her, she already knew and loved it and would sacrifice anything on its behalf. That is the love we are called to—giving our all though it may cost us our all—body, soul and self. None belong to you, for you belong to the Lord. Live as such; offer your bodies as living sacrifices for His glory. He will lead, guide and cause you to prosper. All that you believe you are losing will be given back to you tenfold, nay, a hundredfold. Only follow, think nothing of the cost.] May we not dishonor You, Lord, with our actions but may we bring You glory in all we do and say in Haiti. This is the day…
                                      --July 7th, 2008



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