A Little More--God at Work in a Heart Set on Him

 These entries are from the beginning of the trip...we had a lot of time on our hands (which at first drove me crazy) but it meant I got to think and write a lot--these entries happened over a period of five days and these are only excerpts--there's pages and pages more of this stuff!!! God was doing a lot in me and I was taking the time to hear Him :) May it always continue on...

July 11^th, 2008

            Thank you for being a shelter for us, Lord, thank You for keeping us safe. We owe our very lives to You, Lord. Why have You brought us here? What is your plan and purpose in all this, Lord? Let us hear from You…

            “If the narrative of the Scriptures teaches us anything, from the serpent in the Garden to the carpenter from Nazareth, it teaches us that things are rarely what they seem, that we shouldn’t be fooled by appearances.”

             --from The Sacred Romance, pg. 92-93

            Case in point: Haiti…

            …sitting here, reading the Bible—I love how hope (“espwa” in Creole) is so different in the Bible from how we use it in ordinary English language. Hope for Americans means “maybe it’ll happen”. We “hope” to go to the movies. In the Bible this hope is a definite thing. God is a God of hope.

            “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.” Romans 15:13

            Those words, “because you trust in Him,” stick out so strong for me right now. Almost like God is saying, “Remember? You trust in Me! This is the lesson we’ve (because I strive with God) been learning for the last few years. Trust me. It will all fall into place. Trust me.”

            I want to feed people, really provide for their needs. Maybe God isn’t doing it this trip so that a hunger in me builds to feed the hungry. You know, things like a kiss, etc. are always a lot more satisfying when you’ve had to wait for them that much longer. Something inside me, when I’ve gone home, will start going crazy about how I couldn’t feed them, it didn’t happen, they still need help and I’ll fall on my knees and really be praying and longing to find a way to go back, to be a real servant, to provide for the hunger, be there, suffer with. This trip is good, everyone needs an intro, but I know there’s so much more and I am so unable. My weakness, powerlessness to do anything, even though I’m here in this country almost infuriates me. I’m accepting it, but I also can’t accept it. There has to be more I can do…but that’s where it ends. I can’t do anything. I can’t starve just to feed someone else. I can’t…I don’t know who needs help…this is where God steps in—at the point that I realize there is no way but Him.

            The last part of that verse: “Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Thank You for Your Word, Lord…

            …After we had prayed [for Pastor Westerne, who hosted us during our time in Haiti] and Katie and I came back to our room I said, “We’ve declared war.” These next few weeks will not be easy. God, bind us together, let us be open and honest with each other and let us recognize spiritual attack and go to war for each other. God of Jacob, we need You desperately. You are the only One strong enough to defeat these things which will come against us in the following weeks. Fight for us, Jehovah Tsebaioth—Captain of the Lord of Hosts.

            “Your job in this battle is just to keep moving on. Simply walk in obedience to My Word…Just come under the blood. I will cover you with all manner of divine protection. Keep walking and talking with me. All the while I will be doing battle for you…You have to know that the forces of Jehovah Tsebaioth are always at work on you behalf…Your day of total victory is soon to come.”

            --Knowing God by Name, Wilkerson, pg. 82-4

July 13^th, 2008

            I pray that Isaiah 50:4 would be true of me somehow: “The Sovereign Lord has given me His words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning He wakens me, and opens my understanding to His will.” I long for that understanding. Speak to me, speak to me please…won’t you speak to me…Your fire fall down, fire fall down on us as we pray. As we seek You…fire fall down…show us Your heart, show us Your way, show us Your glory…

            I know that You’re alive

            You came to fix my broken life

            I sing to glorify Your holy name, Jesus Christ

July 15^th, 2008

            Good quote (I’ve been reading Mountains Beyond Mountains since yesterday, I’m on pg. 164) from Margaret Mead:

            “Never underestimate the ability of a small group of committed individuals to change the world. Indeed they are the only ones who ever have.”…

           

…these next few years will fly…and I don’t know what to do after that. I really would love to teach…to be with a group of kids all day long [sidenote: I just went through student teaching and received my teaching credential—didn’t plan for that! But He did!]—I could so easily stay in America…but then I ache for the people of the world, especially kids—ANYBODY!—who is hungry. So I couldn’t possibly stay in America…

            I have a lot of praying to do, a lot of asking God where He wants me to go and then a lot of preparing to do. You can’t just waltz into a country like we’ve waltzed into Haiti and expect to make a difference. You really do have to learn the language and what the country is like—customs, history, how people live. It’s good to go where God sends you, but your part is to be prepared as much as possible…

           

         …Accept this.

         I’m doing my best, Lord, please help me.

         I’m sure this is so much a part of Haitian culture. The same thing I’m trying to accept is what they live day in and day out…they can’t leave after three weeks. Having no purpose, even though you have tons of potential (which many Haitians do—they’re smart, but have no where to apply it, no way to develop it, no place to prove themselves) this is their life. I hate it, and they must to, but they have accepted and hopefully not resigned themselves to it…Jesus teach me how to be like a Haitian…content in my circumstances, without resigning myself to my fate.

July 16^th, 2008

        Been reading about righteousness:

        “Righteousness is believing the promises of God, being fully persuaded that He will keep His word. Unrighteousness is unbelief—staggering at His promises, doubting God will do what He promised and trying to do it ourselves.”

        Oh, I have been guilty of that underlined part before and I’ve made a mess of things! Help me, dear God, to learn/take on Your rghteousness.

        “None of these things—personal obedience, deny[ing] ourselves and reject[ing] the world, forsak[ing] all lusts of the flesh, tak[ing] up our cross, surrendur[ing] continually to the Lord, walking in purity and seeking a life that is pleasing to Him—[are] possible unless we are fully persuaded that God will keep His covenant promises to us. It all comes down to trusting in His Word. The fact is, our acceptance does not depend on any of these things. We are accepted by God only because we are in Christ. You see, God accepts only one person, Jesus—and in turn, we are accepted because we believe in His finished work for us on the cross.”

--Knowing God by Name, pg. 118

        This is so freeing to me.

        Despite all that was going against him, Abraham still believed God would fuflfill His promises. “That is the righteousness that is of faith, not works. Abraham is [God’s] definition of a righteous man.” (pg. 119)

        “God’s only demand of His people has been, ‘Believe My word. Trust in My promises. Have faith that I will do the impossible for you,’” but “deep down, we tell ourselves that we do not pray enough, give enough or sacrifice enough…something inside us keeps insisting, ‘I can’t be righteous before the Lord without more effort, more pain, more struggle.’ So our flesh jumps in and tries to help God make us righteous. Yet, all along, the only thing God has asked of us is simply to trust Him to do what He has already promised.” (pg. 119-120)
         *note from modern Robin: this lesson that was being impressed on me that morning has been a theme for the last few years--I'm always trying to do it on my own (because I was operating out of fear which results in wanting control) and God is all about showing me that if I don't go to Him and ask for help, I'm sunk. I'm excited to say that I FINALLY GOT IT!!! and have realized the power of the cross, all that God has done for us and that we just have to ask and the Kingdom comes breaking in to all the dirty broken places and when God is at work and we follow--it's so beautiful! Who wouldn't want to be righteous? AND GOD IS GOING TO DO ALL HE PROMISED!!!