Okay, one thing about me: I LOVE THE CIVIL WARS!!! And I don't mind shouting it (electronically). I love it even more after reading about why they are called the Civil Wars.
"Q. Why did you call yourselves the Civil Wars?
WILLIAMS I came up with the name. It has nothing to do with the historical meaning. There is a great quote that I believe is Plato, who said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” As I was thinking about the music we make, that sense of battle seemed applicable. That sense of yin and yang, of male and female, of our differing backgrounds, all that seemed to allude to the battles that we all face with faith or addictions or jobs or relationships. Every single person walking down the street is fighting a great battle, whether or not you can see it."
This comes from an interview which you can find here: Civil Wars Interview with NY Times
So true, huh? We are all fighting our own private battles...
Mine has consumed me a bit too much lately :)
Yes, I am lonely...but who isn't? It's a symptom of human nature...I suppose I always thought I was above all those things--but this year (and many years of my existence) have proven otherwise.
I guess I'm seeing and living my humanity and learning to be okay with it.
See, there are two different ways to be a Christian. The first, and easiest, is to appear to follow all the rules that are set out by Christianity (don't murder, cheat, lie, steal) and keep to yourself. This way of living is very easy and easily done in our culture of isolation. You can live for years thinking that you are a "good Christian" and don't need to make any changes in your life (because you don't--you aren't harming anyone and other people see your good behavior and constantly praise you for it).
I lived this illusion. It wasn't a bad thing, in its own way--it's just that...you are missing the fullness that Christ always meant you to have. You are living life on your own terms and it stunts you. Life to the fullest doesn't always mean the biggest, brightest butterflies and happy feelings all the time. It means you may feel pain, and it means you have questions that make you churn in your bed at night and keep you from being able to look other people in the face.
I think its so funny...I'm living the second way now and its the strangest thing...I have been exposed to more pain and sorrow in the last few years than I had any idea I would go near. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Haiti--oh, how I feel in love with that place!!! And how it broke me into pieces...I said that "yes", the yes you should never give but absolutely have to when God asks you. I found the "yes" again recently in a letter I sent out to my supporters after the last time I went to Haiti.
I have said the final yes.
Yes to whatever God wants to put in front of me or take away.
In the sacrifice, I find that it has been no sacrifice at all, because of all that I have gained.
That is what Haiti is to me.
A sacrifice of praise…
A prayer to God on behalf of a seemingly hopeless nation…
only to find His joy and kindness and goodness spilling out and overwhelming me.
The road ahead may be steep and filled with pain--but the sacrifice is worth it. Haha! I just need the reminding every once in a while. The things I am trading for now will be nothing compared with what God does in the future. I not only have Haiti to look forward to, but also heaven! And what a rejoicing that will be.
So I live the second life now. It hurts at times, but the joy is also there. I would much rather this--caring deeply about things and knowing that life is not all sunshine and sweet things, than the life I lived. I want to know the world the way that Jesus did--and still love it, the way that Jesus did. It's easy to love when all is right and you feel no longings or pain. The harder rode to travel is one where you feel all the pain, humiliation and lose and still respond with love.
I'm still learning...but this is what I choose.
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