The Workings Out of a Heart Not Fully Formed Yet

I write because I dream: I see this world as a place the Kingdom of God is constantly breaking into and I want to join my King Jesus in whatever way He sees fit to bring His life, His Presence, here.

This journey has taken me all over the world and lead to encounters with incredible men and women of God: their lives have imprinted mine. This blog is a result of our conversations and questions, and a way for me to display my inner life with God, so that others may see the glory of a life given fully over to her Creator. I, and the ones I love, are no special people--we just partner with an amazing God.

We've seen suffering. We know doubt. We wrestle with where we have been and how we got there--but we will never give up. Our lives are a testament to His faithfulness.

Be Blessed as you read. Encounter the King.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

My Little Bit of Folly or "Notes on Resigning"


It’s that tired time of night where your mind wanders—and I want to find out where my thoughts have gone to…

I’m finally able to think outside myself for the first time in ages. I was so trapped by my own stress and anxiety that I was constantly over-thinking, trying to analyze every possible area of my life and realizing they all came up short and giving myself a total…well, it was bad…

I’ve realized something in resigning…freedom. Not to do as I want—that has never been my style, never will be. I don’t give up. But knowing that you have done your best, for whatever reason it hasn’t been seen and it’s time to move on. It’s not even anyone’s fault, it just happened. You knew—and deep down, they knew too—that it was time to see what tomorrow brought. It was time to give up control, trying to fix things and let whatever happens, happen. You get to live. You get to be free—that’s what you have permission to do, as one of God’s own. No, you can’t control all the outcomes and no, you can’t see around the corner and no, you don’t control your own destiny but BE GLAD! He does…

And He—holy, righteous, just and true—will see you through to the end. That’s as much a part of His character as anything else and whatever He ever is, He is all in, all the time. There is literally not a shadow of change to be glimpsed in Him.

I think that’s part of what I love most about God—the infinity of Him, the fact that if He has been a certain way, He will continue to be that way forever, no matter what happens. We can’t outsmart Him or surprise Him or fool Him—don’t even try. We can reflect Him—and I hope that is shown in my life. In all my horrible inconsistencies, I hope that I can reflect a little bit of Him—His joy, truth, passion…that in all my shortcomings, He would rush in and get the glory and see me for who I am and still love me.

That’s all I want—isn’t that all anyone wants?

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