Love...what?!

I think I write most of the time so I can learn about myself. Maybe that's wrong. Maybe it helps someone else. Maybe it doesn't matter--in any case, I have to do it.

I have a really weird life right now--in Jim Elliot's autobiography Shadow of the Almighty, his wife calls it the "test of free time". Jim had one year where he spent most of his time at his parent's house, helping out there in any way he could, jobless. I totally understand that, and felt totally reassured when I read about it in their book the summer after I moved home. It was a little hope, you know? (which is sometimes all you need) in a season where I wasn't very sure of anything. Jim Eliott's life didn't stop, in fact, he got married and made it to the mission field--and so, my life could get somewhere too.

Sometimes I fail my test--a whole day goes by with nothing much to show for it...in my judgment.  But sometimes...the movie or TV show I watch is the one I needed to see...

I watched a movie recently, loved the plot, etc. and so I looked up the screenwriter. She is brilliant at what she does and one of her TV shows is called "My So-Called Life". It's so good for me, you know? I have someone in my life who I keep loving on and just never understanding--our stories are so different! And the way she reacts to an environment that I also went through (high school) seems psychotic to me! Then I watch this TV show--it just helps, you know? This person I love is not crazy--just making some strange choices which we will help see her through. She's going to be okay.

Then, the last scene between father and daughter in the show really struck me. He and she were talking about boys, the father trying to find out if she had been on a date, etc. This is their conversation:
Angela: ...people just hang out. They're not dates just...people in a bunch.
Graham: So is their someone else then that you like? It's okay to like someone, but I mean, boys your age, can sometimes...
Angela: Dad, I know... Can sometimes what?
Graham: Can sometimes not know how to be what you want them to be. My point is that, it's really hard to figure out how to be a man. Practically every man I know is still working on it.

Well put. I didn't expect that--but it's the truest thing. I have been that person, that girl, who wants so much but doesn't allow the man in her life to learn--just writes him off. I hope I'm changing.

Love is a strange and often misunderstood thing.