This year is contemplating...it's different from any other year that I have known in my life.

• It's all the things I always wanted but living them out is harder than I ever anticipated...
• It's learning total trust (always the lesson I'm needing to learn :) and letting go...
• It's really being on my own and feeling like I'm floundering (you know that moment when you first hit the water?) but actually making it

And now what? haha

I have a lot. And I think it might be a problem. I have a lot of stuff: camera, computer, BOOKS!!! (everywhere), a water bottle, more books, clothes, guitar, swimsuit (I'm just naming stuff in the room I'm in), dresser, tons of picture frames, a facebook account, friends, books...always books, pictures, writing utensils, dishes, journals, Hebrew/Greek Bible...I think you get it. And you could make the same list too. It's a lot that we carry around and attach to ourselves. I'm actually feeling a little bit overwhelmed thinking about it all.

The reason I bring this up is that I'm contemplating leaving it all behind...

I used to think I could be a missionary with no problem. Then I grew up. Now I think I could still be a missionary with a LOT of help from God :) And do you know what He has done? He made me fall in love!!! No, not that way, there won't be a wedding soon :) It's a different kind of love and passion than any I have ever known (not that I'm experienced) The people God has me falling in love with are the Haitians.

It sounds so strange to talk about being in love with a group of people. It didn't even happen on purpose (at least, not my purpose). But there it is, Haiti and me...and I have exactly no idea where this is going :)

But I might be a teacher for a year in the little country I love. I might leave behind all my stuff and my family and my life and be someone new in someplace new...Haiti, without cell phones and facebook and maybe even this blog...

Somehow I don't think I'll miss it too much...