This is where grace steps in. I'm seriously crying right now realizing this. I try so hard to make things work out and do what I believe is God's will...and when I feel like I've failed--and I seem to see more failure and lost opportunities in my life than successes--I really beat myself up. People always comment on my upbeatness and never ceasing smile...but on the inside...it's not always that way.
Grace......what a beautiful
earth shattering
concept.
This things make sense to me so little...but I think I'm getting it. God is the one in control. I am along for the ride--a valuable instrument in His hands, but not the cog which will cause the entire mechanism to fall apart if it fails.
And He chooses to use us...and it's His grace...He is at work through out all that we do.
Our task is to move as He calls us to, but still be okay with the flukes and the mistakes. I am telling you, i am going to mess up! and mess up big in this life!! But I feel a joy rush, even now. So long my life has been dictated by fear--everything revolving around my fear of messing it up and causing the flaw which makes everything fall apart. But I have a revelation!!! I'm not that important...
So if I chicken out and don't talk to that person I know I'm supposed to--it's going to be okay! But since it's going to be okay, even if I mess up, why don't I just do what God asks? Wow...so freeing!
He calls us to live in love, not perfectionism! Stop the judging, Robin, of yourself and others :) Smile big, live loud and let love be your mark among all those blunders! I can't wait!
P.S. I got to hang out with seventh grade boys at school today and I just love the conversations we had :) I love people and connecting with them and finding out what makes them tick and still loving them! I can't wait to be a teacher and pray that I learn to be a servant in the process (serving instead of being served). Shake me up, God! I want your refreshing righteousness and none of my own. i rely on YOU! Rain down...
Also there was a prophecy over my life that involved the balm of Gilead and I recently found out that the country I'm traveling to is a source of this balm...
This adds beautiful mystery and the touch of God to my trip. I can't wait to see what this trip brings. Lead me on, beautiful One. Show me where You long for me to tread...
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