Here in the Sickness?

Ugh...I haven't been sick in a long time :)

Sickness always surprises me (probably because I don't get sick too often). I never know how to react to it--do I lay still and let it wash over me gently (except that isn't even possible with these sickness, since it has me violently coughing every once in a while just to keep me on my toes)...or do I fight it and keep moving, perhaps ignoring its presence? (also difficult, due to the fact that this sickness has chosen to take my voice--screaming actually physically hurts)

I just had a week which was very difficult--spiritually and emotionally. I get into these weird phases of caring desperately about what another thinks of me and constantly making sure that I'm doing well around them and that they're having a good time--oh &%$# it takes all the fun and authenticity and glory out of life and leaves you feeling like a very small piece of something disgusting with no freedom left. So...it was a good week, but also an intense reminder: don't you do it, Robin! Don't you dare order your life around someone else! Follow God with all you have and heed what He tells you. Always keep in mind that His opinion is the one that matters most...aaaahhhhh!!! Heart follow brain, not the other way round...

So then after this exhausting week, I go home tired: spiritually, emotionally AND physically (yay cold!)

But there are worse things, right? This too will pass.

I'm so tired...

My mom is a sweetheart. Yesterday, my first day home, I was talking with her and started crying. Being home is weird. I literally don't have any friends that I could just call up and say, "Hey, do you want to hang out?" I could make some...but at that point, I was just tired and I needed someone to talk to right then. I've become such an intensely relational person (and a very sensitive person) since starting college that I crave that connection with people. If I'm not having real, honest, beautiful conversations with others--it wears me out. I NEED to connect with other people. So to be home is hard for me...I have to adapt.

My mom was super :) She immeadiately set to work making strawberry lemonade! And then we had a really good chat...which I needed. It's so easy to feel like a failure at relationships, especially when you're just starting to get to know someone, and I think that's what I'd been feeling this last week. God bless it! :) And now (of course) my voice is gone...so the only way I have really communicated today is through this blog...

Funny...

Anyway, here in the waiting, living in a world where sickness still is alive. May Your Kingdom come soon, Lord. I need Your strength.