Discipleship.
It’s a word that keeps becoming clearer even as it gets
fuzzier. It involves being deeply involved in lives, realizing their struggles
and calling them deeper, while at the same time having to look yourself in the
face: “Can I ask this of them when I know at times it hasn’t been true of
myself?”
It’s seeing a whole life: it’s fears and triumphs, moments
of surprise and victory, celebration, defeat, and saying, “My life is worth
that. I will see them through whatever life throws at them, simply because they
are worth it.”
It requires love.
It requires faith.
It requires letting go of yourself, all the while trying to
analyze yourself: “Am I doing this right? Am I doing a good job? Am I…?”
I was given the word “selah” at the beginning of this
school. The word that is so confusing to all Biblical scholars and others
trying to interpret the Bible that they just call it a “pause” and link it to
other terms (often relating to music) that they know.
That word though, in all of its confusion, makes sense for
this season in my life. There is so much I need to figure out—that I truly
can’t on my own. I am wading into the deep, unknown territory—doing and being
asked to do things that I have no clear bearing on—all the while so aware of my
faults and fears, all that makes up the very imperfect me.
And yet: Selah.
Pause.
Meditate.
Realize that some things just aren’t about figuring out…that
some things are meant to just make you take pause, breath in again and remember
who is God.
Selah.
Let go of trying to figure out your own life and remember
His.
Selah.
You’re life is out of your control, out of your
understanding…and that’s a very good thing.
I am doing my best to enjoy this ‘selah’ part of life, this
place where I pause, meditate and pray. I am proud to know (as He reveals
Himself) who God is at this point in my life and come to trust in Him deeper as
He calls me to deeper things. In the tasks and appointments and life-goings on
where I am without answers, I wait, pause and pray.
Selah.
My God is with me.
Selah.
He promises peace.
Selah.
He will perfect that which concerneth me…Selah
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