The Workings Out of a Heart Not Fully Formed Yet

I write because I dream: I see this world as a place the Kingdom of God is constantly breaking into and I want to join my King Jesus in whatever way He sees fit to bring His life, His Presence, here.

This journey has taken me all over the world and lead to encounters with incredible men and women of God: their lives have imprinted mine. This blog is a result of our conversations and questions, and a way for me to display my inner life with God, so that others may see the glory of a life given fully over to her Creator. I, and the ones I love, are no special people--we just partner with an amazing God.

We've seen suffering. We know doubt. We wrestle with where we have been and how we got there--but we will never give up. Our lives are a testament to His faithfulness.

Be Blessed as you read. Encounter the King.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Middle of the Mess

I love that God loves the process.

I woke up this morning to make some hot chocolate. All went well: boil the milk, pour it into its container but then…I proceeded to get hot chocolate everywhere in the process of putting the chocolate mix into an already overfilled cup. The milk took the leap, exceeded all of its boundaries and made a terrific mess: puddles and splotches and hot chocolate mix all deliciously wonderfully all over everything at that kitchen sink.

And I just laughed, because God was reminding me that even when my soul is a mess, sin polluting and spilling over and so much to mop up and sort through, He still knows He’s getting hot chocolate. Even in the middle of my terrible messes, He knows what He’s doing. He’s not afraid of this process, but delights in it, because He’s more than enough to clean up the mess. He sent His Son in my place, even if there were only a smidgen of hot chocolate left for Him to taste, He would still be in it and for it and cheering it on.

I need to hear that reminder, that delight of God in the middle of my circumstance, my mess, all the things I can’t see that I hope are coming together and are in line with His Kingdom. Life can be so peculiar and thorny and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. Then your enemy lies to you right in the middle of your sin struggle and you wonder, “Is this me? Is this all there really is to me? Why can’t I get over this, move past it?” And the enemy keeps lying…

First of all, remember that your sin is not your identity. The enemy will over and over again attack this, saying that what you do is who you are. Not true! It may be a reflection of what is going on in your soul, but it does not encompass all that you are. If you are part of the righteous being made perfect (basically, those who believe Jesus has saved and is saving them—He died once for all time and continues to help us through our day to day struggles) then you ARE NOT your sin. You are a child of God, filled with the Holy Ghost, bought by His blood and forever redeemed. (By the way, I would encourage you to lay aside your own thoughts, rebuke any lies the enemy is trying to fill your mind with and simply ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you now about how He sees you and what He has made you for. What’s your identity in the Kingdom? Take the time now to ask, you’ll be surprised and impressed with how specific He is and how much love He has for you.)

We were made for so much more than we ever realize as we try to plough our way through the trenches of life. I encourage you to take a moment and sit with your Daddy, looking up. As I write this, a terrible storm is disapating here in Northern Ireland. A few moments ago, anyone standing outside would have been soaked and wind tossed—the weather outside was brutal, rain running sideways and wind that would knock you flat. But even as I write, the storm is breaking up, clouds pulling back to reveal such glory in the skies, the sun bursting forth so radiant because the air has been cleared for it to be revealed in its full splendor.

That’s a picture of our lives in Christ, especially as we struggle with sin (and yes, I have been in the trenches this week—I’m not preaching at you, I am speaking from experience). We get to this point where we feel so buffeted and downtrodden that we don’t want to take one more step forward—but that is the moment: the moment when Christ shines forth in our life and we find our all sufficiency in Him, fully realizing that He is all we need. If my life is to be filled with storms, it is that it may be also be filled with His wonder.

And the Lord was reminding me today that I do not know the beginning of what it means to feel pain. As Hebrews 12:3-4 says, “Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.  In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” Jesus took a cross for us and He didn’t die with my sin on His back—but the whole worlds sin. Let that sink in for a moment, the full import of those words: he took the cross on fully, fully knowing the pain it would cause Him because He also knew the joy it would bring to Him. He saw the worth in it and was willing to do anything that the Father asked of Him to bring forth His treasure, our very lives. When I look at my life, my struggles through those lenses, I can no longer let sin control me. I can no longer say that I am a defeated soldier in the battle. He has taken the cross for me, the full import of all my indiscretions, and I have been given a victory which far surpasses any lies the enemy tries to toss me, hoping I’ll believe. “Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” (Hebrews 12:12-13)

I live in wonder, fully absorbed in all the life that Christ has bought for me: and the secret, I am learning, is to want Him more. I can stay in my sin, feel it coursing through me as I entertain certain thoughts OR I can feel the wonder of knowing the Holy Spirit and worshipping God with all that I do and say. The latter is so much more full of life and hopeful, I can’t even pretend that the first has any appeal. So when thoughts come to me that I know are not pure, I seek Christ. I say, as quickly as they arrive, “I want Jesus more.”  And that little reminder—that dear, sweet truth—banishes all longings for anything else.

The Lord keeps me safe as I keep putting myself in His way.

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