Deep Triumph

It's funny when things end...

Sometimes you expect it. For me, the school year is coming to a close and I am anticipating and trying to plan for empty days. I know I'll fill them (a certain book which is trying to burst out of me comes to mind :)) but I will miss--desperately--filling those (these) days with 19/20 (numbers fluctuate!) little people who need my attention and want my love. There'll be something so bittersweet and heart wrenching about saying good by for the last time. I'm going to try really hard not to cry.

It's a funny season--to be so aware of what my heart needs and to keep moving forward even though I don't know how it all will end. I know what He's called me to--and I know what I think it should look like (actually, I'm pretty clueless in that regard!)--but God is so much bigger (thank goodness)! I know that whatever is coming will surprise and delight me while it also blows away all my misconceptions about what God is capable of and how He can move.

I can't wait.

But I have to wait (haha) and tell people I'm waiting and live that out faithfully before them.

And, though it is difficult, it is a special privilege to be delighted in by the Lord during this time and trusted. I get to be a faithful witness--one who exists in His love and is so filled by His peace that no matter what comes, no part of me fears.

And that's a big deal for this little girl.

I was always the one who reacted out of fear, it was, in fact, central to who I was.

And these days--God is showing just how powerfully He has changed and influenced my life--that I, even I, can be free from fear. The little girl who cried before every first day of school because she didn't know exactly what would happen (desperate for control, approval, belonging) can now live free even in the middle of deep uncertainty.

That is a miracle. That is the deep triumph of God in my life.

Anticipating the 'more' to come from a holy God who has His perfect timing in store...