Holy Spirit, come and fill this place...
O my Egypt...
The statement above won't make any sense until you've finished reading this blogpost (which I hope you do). Maybe it won't even make sense then--maybe you won't understand because you haven't chosen to follow the Lord as He leads--or, more honestly, have no idea how to even go about that--or perhaps you're a stubborn hearted fellow that would chose Egypt even if it did kill him--just because its what you wanted to do and (obviously) you know best.
I heard a good sermon yesterday at Santa Cruz Bible Church on the "fear of the Lord". Quite poignant and touched right on where my thoughts have been lately: "How do we fear the Lord?" "What does it look like?" "What does it feel like?" "How does it affect your daily walk with the Lord (or anybody else)?", etc. All these silly things tumbling in my mind as I attempt to live out this Jesus life. (Oh, excuse me, as I live out this life in Him--grace--relying on His power and wisdom and all the rest to lead me on...it took me a long, brutal time to learn this...and it's just starting to make sense enough to put into modern language).
Moving on...away from the rambles: at first this preacher expounded on what a "fear of the Lord" was not--and then it got good...the fear of the Lord has always seemed like a mystical concept that no one has quite grasped and we genuinely enjoy batting around--like the balloon you float above the crowd and keep touching on every once in a while to keep it moving and floating--but it never quite touches the ground--and even if it did, it wouldn't make much of an impact. This sermon was all about making a serious dent--realizing exactly how a fear of the Lord creates/is lived out of a posture of the heart--and then expounding on exactly what it takes to cultivate this fear of the Lord. Good stuff. Stuff you can live your life out of...for example:
It takes HUMILITY
*if you are not willing/able/cognizant of the fact that you are not the center of your world--it's going to be hard to fear the Lord. Humility is essential--not claiming that you aren't worth anything, but realizing that there is One who is worth everything. One who you should bow down to, the "other" who is so different and yet loving toward you that the only truly "proper" form of response is worship. And really, humility has been a hard one for me. I try very hard to make my own way and love other people out of how good I am and set a good example--He never asked for that. He's had to break me of that for...lets just say a long time! and keep exposing me to grace, to how good He is in my life, not because I'm worth it or attained it, but because He DELIGHTS in ME! Good gracious me, how crazy is that?
Example: this Mexico trip I just went on had grace written all over it--I was supposed to send out support letter several months in advance of the trip--my letter got out 14 days before we were supposed to leave. It was, quite literally, ridiculous and I would not have been surpirsed if the money didn't get raised and I couldn't go. That was what I deserved for being such a nincompoop! Instead, I was shown favor--people handing me $100 (twice!) and dear friends sacrificing so I coud go--the money was raised in ten days! That's insane! You can't make this stuff up! Then, in Mexico, grace upon grace came again in the form of me just walking with the Lord--praying for a few of our kids, praying for Mexican nationals (in church and out!) and seeing God move and heal and set the kids I work with alight! It was beautiful, I wish you could have been there to see them come alive. One girl made the comment, "I really became a Christian on this trip. I believed in God and stuff before, but this trip made me realize that its all true." Grace...when it is shined out upon us, we can't help but create humility in our hearts and learn to live it out--the fear of the Lord...until we come to the end of us, we won't come to the beginning of God.
It takes EAGERNESS TO OBEY GOD
If you're too full of fear and doubt to cultivate a fear of the Lord, you're going to be moving nowhere fast. For example, I have struggled with a fear of man for--well, you tell me. I can't remember a time not living it out, not caring about what others thought of me and being afraid to speak out or doing anything insane for God (like talking to strangers!)...and yet there was this haunting, aching desire to obey God and do all that He asked even when I wasn't sure i was hearing from Him. It was nerve wracking at times, second guessing myself (does God really want me to do...?) and then feeling so guilty after I "failed" (I can't believe I disappointed Him again by not talking to...)
I'm learning "grace free" living--not that grace is free but living out my life through grace is...let me explain: I always tried so hard to work up a good amount of grace so that I could reach out and help other people--trying to fill up my "clay jar" of a body with enough good stuff to give away--and at times (sadly) it worked. People thought I was good and applauded my efforts. Then I ran across the Holy Spirit (have you met that dude? You should.) and He was wacky! Out of this world power as He prayed through you, healed through you, spoke into dreams and gave visions through you--there are no words to properly describe what a reliance on and hope in the Holy Spirit does for you--only that it completely changes the way you do ministry. Instead of being exhausted all the time as you try to work up a sermon or Bible teaching, you actually ask Him for words and inspiration as you prepare and teach and He moves. As you lead worship, He gives you strength and energy and allows you to praise in a way that just wasn't possible for you before. As you pray, He points out exactly what that person needs and helps you to pray into that blessing and hope and encouragement for them. It's a whole new way of living.
Example: in Mexico, our kids learned about treasure hunting and prophetic words--controversial topics in some circles (and I have been in some of those circles), but our kids came alive with this. Learning to pray and ask God to speak was a revelation for them--and they heard from Him! One junior higher heard the word "love" just as she saw two doves flying together--so she and her team prayed that God would send them to the person who this message was for. The next house they went in to belonged to a two-time widowed woman who wanted to get married again. Her request was literally for a new love: marriage! So they prayed! Another team got the word "open doors" and saw a recessed door in a home--they went to one house where the little girl ran inside to get her mom and then didn't get back for a while--and it was the same type of door. So we prayed for an "open door" and it did open and we were able to bless the little girl and her mother.
It becomes a rollicking good time when you move with the Holy Spirit as He leads--it grows your eagerness to obey God and creates a sincere fear of the Lord--He's so good and able and He wants to reach out through us. We learn a deeper reliance on Him as we learn to be obedient to what He asks of us...
It takes (and this might be the biggest, most profound and beautiful piece for me) HOPEFUL TRUST
This is where I dwell now--not always (sometimes I'm just a mess!) but the peace of His care keeps overwhelming me. I have had dark times lately--some still sorting themselves out, or rather, He is--but the sunshine of His trust and the new days which keep coming keep me hopeful. There is an expectancy, often with no corrsepondence to the facts of my life!, that my God WILL come through and WILL show Himse;f strong in my every situation and I love this new trust and hope. He has shown Himself worthy and willing to move in my life at all times--whether I am shining out for Him or as broken as they come--and the future only holds more of His faithfulness and I continue to learn to live out faithfulness from Him. Even today I was tossing around in my head the importance of consistency and faithfulness--that if the Lord did this for me, day in and day out being aware of me and my needs and ordering hope and good timing and blessings enough (and abundantly more) to tide me over for each day, I can learn this too. The ones who finish well are not the ones who train really hard or look the best in the race or have the proper friends--rather, they showed up, day after day after day...there is something more valuable in being available and focused every day on Him than in shining out brightly. I see it in my morning workouts--I am not exceptionally good at working out, but because I wake up at 5am and put in a P90X tape and go through the motions (however pitiful it might look!) I see a change. A good thing has been wrought, simply through faithfulness (praying for more of this faithfulness as I write this book and learn languages!)
So we wake up every day with hopeful trust that our God who exceeds expectations is going to show up again and be wonderful in our lives--and He does. Our kids were available to God every day in Mexico and asked Him to show up and be wonderful--their prayers and willingness to ave faith rejuvenated me on so many levels. Taught me that this (whatever you may be living out in your life) is possible because of who Christ is--we just keep asking and not giving up! We fear the Lord, we know He'll come through...I am developing a tendency to live out contentedness and rest in the God who I know is taking care (good care, as any good Father would) of me.
This is just a little bit, a taste of the glory that was God showing up in Mexico and all around this trip. I could tell you stories and bring you hope for days--so many things that God spoke into and poured out on me during this time...snag me aside if you can (if you love me, you have my phone number!! haha, or just ask for it on facebook). I definitely lived out a fear of the Lord while in Mexico, without even really realizing what it was (isn't it funny, all the things you learn backwards? story of my life!) and this trip left me humbled, bowing with amazement before the God who does all things on our behalf, loves us deeper than words or feelings can tell and longs to bring us closer to Himself. I hope you learn to develop a fear of the Lord: bowing in humble honesty before Him as He moves in your life and going where He wills.
Don't choose Egypt (Jeremiah 42) that place that you think will bring you safety and all you need but is actually most assuredly your doom. God has saved me countless times from ending up in my Egypt--the disaster of my own making--because He knew the safer, better place for me. I used to believe that you have to figure things out as you go and the more challenge there is, the more God will meet you. Nope. God doesn't throw you into lion dens for fun to get you to trust Him--He develops that in you (through times of prayer, eh?) long before you ever get near the pit. I encourage you to be sensitive to the Lord's voice and His leading in your life--it might take you a long while to get where you're going. But He wants to be with you every step of the way, never unprepared or overwhelmed or afraid--He's just going to be too close for that. But you have to let Him, you have to cultivate that safety, that learning from and listening to the Lord--the fear of Him. Live move and breathe Him in child. We're going to see the world change--He's on our side.
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