I'm home...
So much of that feels surreal...I so easily go into the mode of being not completely here by watching TV on the internet or reading all day...it's a struggle to be present.
I miss the other interns I worked with...they became such good friends...I loved sharing life with them, the little things they did that made my life bright...
Can God correct every mistake? What is the greater good most of the time and how do we pursue that?
What is sacrifice? What is love, for that matter? How do we chase these both at the same time...
How do I learn to exist--loving, feeling joy and pain, running the race with all that is within me--without being crushed?
I feel as though sometimes I feel too much...but I want that. The numbness is worse than being pulled apart by all that is going on within you. I feel as though God can move so powerfully through the times when you are desperately broken.
I want to be desperately broken--not to be known that way by others, that's not the point. Desperately broken before God, willing to feel and experience all that He puts in front of me and pour myself out for that--all of myself, everyplace He directs me.
I don't want to miss that.
Even when others don't understand (and in some cases won't), I still want to be pushing deeper, longing for more. Please save me God from all the times I want to keep myself back.
You believe in me.
That's all that matters, that's all that's going to matter in the end!
Hahaha!
So excuse me while I dance...my Saviour is again calling to me.
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