It’s that tired time of night where your mind wanders—and I
want to find out where my thoughts have gone to…
I’m finally able to think outside myself for the first time
in ages. I was so trapped by my own stress and anxiety that I was constantly
over-thinking, trying to analyze every possible area of my life and realizing
they all came up short and giving myself a total…well, it was bad…
I’ve realized something in resigning…freedom. Not to do as I
want—that has never been my style, never will be. I don’t give up. But knowing
that you have done your best, for whatever reason it hasn’t been seen and it’s
time to move on. It’s not even anyone’s fault, it just happened. You knew—and
deep down, they knew too—that it was time to see what tomorrow brought. It was
time to give up control, trying to fix things and let whatever happens, happen.
You get to live. You get to be free—that’s what you have permission to do, as
one of God’s own. No, you can’t control all the outcomes and no, you can’t see
around the corner and no, you don’t control your own destiny but BE GLAD! He
does…
And He—holy, righteous, just and true—will see you through
to the end. That’s as much a part of His character as anything else and
whatever He ever is, He is all in, all the time. There is literally not a
shadow of change to be glimpsed in Him.
I think that’s part of what I love most about God—the
infinity of Him, the fact that if He has been a certain way, He will continue
to be that way forever, no matter what happens. We can’t outsmart Him or
surprise Him or fool Him—don’t even try. We can reflect Him—and I hope that is
shown in my life. In all my horrible inconsistencies, I hope that I can reflect
a little bit of Him—His joy, truth, passion…that in all my shortcomings, He
would rush in and get the glory and see me for who I am and still love me.
That’s all I want—isn’t that all anyone wants?
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