Jesus With Skin On--No, it's not creepy!!! Hey, come back here and read this...

The Lord keeps speaking to me about being Jesus with skin on.

How that keeps us humble: we know it’s not our own work.

How it keeps us dependent: we’ve faced our weaknesses and insecurities and still we rush in to do His work, knowing that despite our frailty (which we know so well) He will use us, He will honor His Word and come through.

How it keeps us close, we let Him do the work, we just listen and move as He gently guides.

Sometimes I’m the worst skin to be in: I get afraid and back out right before a conversation goes to that life giving topic of the Son of Man, I walk away when someone asks me to stay (this happened just last weekend), I give up. God asks me to move forward just a little more, get a little closer to other people, let myself love and be loved in return.

I shy away.

But He won’t give up—on me or any one of us who He calls forth and makes into His life-giving people (which is all of us!). We will be Him with skin on: flawed, imperfect but still His. Still being molded, changed with the great destiny, the biggest picture rising forth in front of Him keeping Him hot on our heels and us on His. The day is coming when we will be truly shone forth as all that we are, all that He has been perfecting since He began this crazy beautiful journey in His name! And the praise He will receive on that day! (And all the days in between, as we journey home.) He knows He’s worth it.

And we’re worth it. As I was driving home praying through a word I received this weekend, God showed me a picture and spoke to me, proclaiming into me all that I am not now—but I can see it peeking through. I will be—one day and now as I move forward in hope, trusting Him to do the work—one who enters fully in everywhere she goes, so content in Him and His promises that I can be fully satisfied and safe in Him and draw others close in every nation through that life changing love poured forth.

It’s what He sees for all of us, wherever He hand plants each of us. We are all the beauty of His heart, the flower garden in His care, the magnificient masterpiece being perfected into His image.

Let Him do His work in you today, no matter what you know about you—He knows better.

We will all be Jesus with skin on—Halllelujah!

Finally Among the Family

I'm home now...what a funny thing. And what a whirlwind!!! I stepped into all these places which have God's orchestration all over them. I can see that He has gone before me and placed all these things into a perfect sequence so that I walk in and am given financial providence and favor with people...it's just crazy.

Example (from yesterday, the first day I was home): I walk out of church and talk to a friend who tells me there's going to be a missions board meeting that day, would I like to come and talk about my trip? Would I ever! I go, spin my spiel, and they ask me questions (two of the people there didn't know me from Adam and kept a poker face while I talked--a little disconcerting). I leave the room, they vote and I am given the remainder of the money I need to go on my missions trip this summer. Stunning, no? I was a little shocked to say the least.

Then I walk onto a school campus this afternoon and fill out one form and them am invited to help out in the kindergarten classrooms. I had gone to this school when I was in the sixth grade--and people still remembered me. I was literally invited into that place and I hope to spend time in more than the kindergarten classrooms, but I get to start there, and I'm thrilled!

I want to start a prayer group at my church--that was one thing I felt I needed to do when I got home...pray for me, that I move forward on that :) I just need to arrange a space for us to meet on Mondays and I need much direction from God--no, I need every direction from God in how He wants this prayer group to operate. This will be attacked, no doubt. God's people gathering together to link arms and call out to their loving Father who fights for them--that's a powerful thing. We must be on guard against every attack that will come and keep pushing forward, relying on our God for the strength. His is the power, the grace, the protection, everything we need...we just need to ask for it. And ask for it we shall!

Going forth in the mighty name of Jesus. To Him be the glory.

Learning to Hold a Vorpal Sword

God is so good...I'm glad He's in charge of my life.

It's funny to be where I'm at right now and just wonder...God has such big things ahead—and yet its all slow and gradual and in its time. Nothing needs to be rushed and nothing will be lost—I’ll make it right where I am supposed to, just when I'm supposed to get there...That's the beautiful thing about God's timing.

Florida in two years? That's where things are pointing! I even found a program at the University of Florida that will lead straight to teaching in an elementary school—my dream! If I could work with kids every day all day long for the rest of my life...that's all I need!

And then beyond being in the States as a teacher there's so much more! This is just preparation for what's ahead...

There will be much discouragement and temptation to lose heart in the years ahead…much prayer is needed and learning to abide—stand so close to Christ…it won’t be easy. Our enemy hates to see God’s purposes fulfilled in our lives! And I’m so vulnerable…but I have a good God, a strong God standing on my side. You just have to read some of the Psalms and it becomes so clear to you that the enemy cannot stand—God will always triumph and His purposes will come about. This is the time when He is training my hands for battle, teaching me how to fight the enemy. Man…just read Psalm 18 and 144…you can’t help but be so filled with hope. Our God is awesome…

A God whom we must learn to fear and regard as holy…teach us the proper way to respond to your goodness. We don’t want to be foolish…teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom…

I want to tremble before God, learn to speak only what He tells me to speak and live before Him purely—not having any selfish ambition or vain conceit, but making it the point of my life to bring Him glory and live in complete obedience to Him. I want this to be more than just words, I need His discipline. I am not who I ought to be…let me continue to walk in Your light Lord. Don’t let Your Presence leave us, don’t let us grieve Your Holy Spirit, have mercy on us.

I’m still in training...

I love this picture...it reminds me that we have all authority in Christ and the gates of Hell cannot stand against the church...Jesus holds the keys to death and Hades--do we even realize who He's created us to be as we follow Him? He's already made a way, we just have to follow Him into those dark places and bring light, as little children following our Father. He has put a beauty and a strength upon us and as we move with Him, we will see His goodness in our lives.

Psalm 18

25With the merciful you show yourself merciful;
with the blameless man you show yourself blameless;
26with the purified you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous.
27For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down.
28For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
29For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.
30This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

31For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?—
32the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
33He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
34He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.
36You gave a wide place for my steps under me,
and my feet did not slip.
37I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed.
38I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise; they fell under my feet.
39For you equipped me with strength for the battle;
you made those who rise against me sink under me.
40You made my enemies turn their backs to me, and those who hated me I destroyed.
41They cried for help, but there was none to save;
they cried to the LORD, but he did not answer them.
42I beat them fine as dust before the wind; I cast them out like the mire of the streets.

43You delivered me from strife with the people; you made me the head of the nations; people whom I had not known served me.
44As soon as they heard of me they obeyed me;
foreigners came cringing to me.
45 Foreigners lost heart
and came trembling out of their fortresses.

46The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock,
and exalted be the God of my salvation—
47the God who gave me vengeance
and subdued peoples under me,
48who delivered me from my enemies;
yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me;
you rescued me from the man of violence.

49 For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing to your name.
50Great salvation he brings to his king,
and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
to David and his offspring forever.

Purity

I know I should still be writing this essay...ha ha

But I just felt like writing about the goodness of God.

Have you know His goodness lately? Its like a blanket, a comfort wrapping you up so completely--and its like a hug from a friend who really understands--and He really understands.

I was standing in worship last night, no, I think I was sitting at that point, and I was suddenly there but not there--there was white light all around, so pure and holy, light like I'd never seen anywhere--and then there was Jesus and He was handing me something...or was I handing it to Him? I can't be sure, I just know we both were holding onto this heart and it was pure white like the light all around it. Names had been written on it, but they'd all been searing (I think that's the right word) of the surface of that heart and now it was whole, clean, no stain upon it--and then there was one name written across that heart--His name, Jesus.

May we live lives of purity, so much so that the only name written on our hearts is His. And let this be known--Jesus sees no stain on you. He's given you His name, to guard and defend your purity and He's given you His heart to go forth into the world and love. May that be your anchor and your tower of refuge, His name which is above all other names and His love, found in knowing Him deeply, and His righteousness, which is now ours, because we are His sons and daughters. Don't let anything draw you from that purity...I know I need to watch myself and my heart. I love that God is with us on this--He's doing the work, just as we are. Like that verse I ran across just a little while ago: "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." Philippians 2:12-13

Keep dancing before Him and with Him. Remember that you are never alone. Jesus is always by your side, just waiting for you to reach out to Him. Take all your dreams and place them in His hands. He knows what to do with them.

He is good!

Standing Face to Face

Hmmm....I should be writing an essay

You know, as you learn more, you learn the implications of what you're learning. And when your following Christ, these things you learn that show you the brokenness of the world matter to you and you have to care, you love to care, because you are His and He is love.

But love isn't all that Christians crack it up to be. It's something much stronger and it hurts sometimes...because a lot of times pain changes you in ways that nothing else can--it makes you stronger somehow. This may not make sense, because its still forming in my mind, but the way we portray Jesus...I don't think that's what He really was like, a lot of times.

Like, Jesus would be intense. Some people wouldn't want to look Him in the eyes or talk to Him because they'd know He would uncover who they were as soon as He started asking questions. He just knew...

But He had this love...it like pulled people toward Him in a way they'd never felt and wouldn't know how to react to, they just knew that they wanted Him, wanted to be in His presence and feel His words--because the things Jesus said went so much stronger than skin deep...you felt the truth of it in your soul. To stand in His Presence while He spoke...

And to hear Him sing! What'd I'd give to hear Jesus sing (oh, wait, I have...:)

Hmm...I love that knowing God and His Son goes so much deeper than we ever were told. Like, all I want to do lately is stand face to face with Him...and that's all He's asking me to do at this point in my life.

So good.

PRAY FOR HAITI

Home with the family...craziness. Also a time when I do a lot of reading! It's nice to be able to sleep in...well, I kind of sleep in except for Sarah coming in and first asking me to help her make breakfast and then bringing breakfast to me--and it was delicious!

Last night--well all yesterday I was praying for Haiti. I found an article which was telling of an incredible conference going on in Haiti today, put together in part by a woman named Joan Hunter. I really know nothing about this woman, but healing follows her. Haiti needs this healing. I was told (multiple times) that I have the gift of healing, not necessarily physical, but emotional and spiritual. Even before this was spoken over me, I was part of one girl being healed--physically and emotionally--really powerfully. (Weird, I hadn't remembered that until now) I wonder what will come of this woman and her ministry.

The real conference started today and about 1000 pastors are supposed to be coming. They'll be learning/being trained for two days and the third day (when we celebrate Jesus' resurrection!) they'll be praying for the people of the city--and more than 1 million are expected to show up!

All of this is being held in front of the presidential palace, where the three days of fasting and prayer were held in February a month after the earthquake. God is still moving and reaching out to this desperate country with open arms through His children. I am amazed and so enchanted with how God is moving and the good things He's doing and the fact that I get to watch and pray through it all. I am alive at a time when things are moving quickly, the Spirit is so active. I never ever imagined that I would be a part of anything like this. God is so much more than I can put into words!

And today we remember the day He endured more pain than we can imagine--all for the sake of love for us.

The love shown on the cross...confounds me and leaves me with no words. What do we say to love shown in this self sacrificial way, love which is so different from the self-gratifying love we see played out before us everyday. The love of the cross makes us pause and squint as we try to comprehend; or else captures us for only a moment before we move on, unsure of how to put into words what we just saw.

I feel that far too often we just walk away from the cross--because it really doesn't make sense to us. Those who choose to pick up their own cross and follow after Him are far and few between.

But through these few the love of God spreads through the world. I am so excited for Haiti today...on the day when He picked up His cross and walked to His death, they are learning the power of His name and how He can free people from all that has kept them chained. After all, Jesus didn't stay dead forever! That cross was for one day--but Jesus came back from that defeat, and He was stronger than ever! Too often we see Jesus as the one who made a way for us to have eternal life--and we forget that that eternal life starts now! We live abundantly (but not as the world sees abundance) from NOW until FOREVER. If Christians started grasping this now--and calling on the abundant life that He has to offer--no more sin controlling you, no more sickness keeping you from your dreams and no more shame keeping you from speaking His name--how powerful we would be! The Holy Spirit is real, He came first at Pentecost and He is moving through the whole earth even now. We are meant to live out this life by relying on the Holy Spirit for our whole strength--because He is connected to Jesus and God, our Father. We're not living this life out trying to do good works out of our own strength, but by asking God what He's up to in the world (getting to know Him intimately, so much so that His words--found in the Bible--are always buzzing through our brain and we know Him, and the truth He spoke, deeply) and then asking Him to move through us as we talk with people, pray for people and love. It's only His power, and His power flowing through us as we rely on and abide in Him, that will change the world. So don't look to yourself anymore! There is a higher power and His yoke is truly easy and light! Call on Jesus with all that you have within you and He will hear. He has just been waiting for you to give your full attention to Him, no more distractions or other's voices keeping you away. What this world needs is Jesus--and He's just waiting for them to cry out to Him.

Full of hope and joy because of Him and His goodness toward us and Haiti...

Here in the Waiting with Jesus

Today is a little hard, but Jesus and I are making it together. I rejoice in Him and He really is worth waiting on. When the time comes I will go to Haiti. Meanwhile I watch and pray...I don't want any other Lover.

The words I got for the Haiti team can be found in John 14:
¹²"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.
¹³"Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
¹⁴"If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it."
How powerful is that? May that team (which left today) call on Jesus' name together. I will be calling out on thier behalf too, every morning at 6 AM. May they have grace and strength, know His peace and let their hearts be broken. May they be opened to how much we need Jesus, and then find in Him strength.

Haiti...stretching out their hands to Jesus

Haitians surprise me every time!

After I wrote the last post, I ran into some videos about Haiti and a three day fast that went on their recently...I love to hear them sing--that's how I remember them best, singing in church...so to hear a whole city singing was something else altogether for me. Literally everything stopped in that country for three days while they had a time of fasting and prayer. Unbelievable, especially since this is the time of year when they should be having Carnival (which is the original Mardi Gras). Instead, they were seeking God...

My soul is at rest in God. It feels so weird to not have turmoil, but so good. I am ina place where I just trust Him and I trust His plans and His love for me.

They need teachers in Haiti! Lord, send me!

Oh, but I have so far to go...I must learn how to teach in English first and learn Haitian Creole...but...it feels like I'm on my way somewhere, and that is so good.

A group from my school will be traveling to Haiti this spring break. I went to one of their team meetings and was so blessed to be around them, to see the faces of people who will go to the country I love...May your love be so deeply in them that the Haitian people (or anyone they encounter) will feel that love and be transformed by it. You at work through your people--and probably in ways they never expected...

We love You, Lord. We love the way You work.

Check out these videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/kgroder#p/u/4/7mEeGgQRta4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ChGU5LgTSU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ex5UqAU33I

Okay and definitely watch the part in this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdXqguIA5Z8

where the Haitian (pastor?) speaks...so good!!! To hear from their mouths what God is doing and how they are turning to Him...wow...now words--God is bringing His new birth for them!!!

Give it all up for Jesus

No wonder God tells us we must give up everything we own in order to serve Him...

I was reading this review of a book about a girl who traveled through China with her friend

(http://mindfultourist.com/2009/04/04/undress-me-in-the-temple-of-heaven-the-mindful-tourist-book-review/) and they put an excerpet in the book which really made me think. It's worth sticking in here: "We thought that by wearing burlap pajamas, contracting intestinal parasites, and opting to ride in third class with “the people,” we were somehow being less Western and more Asian. It never seemed to occur to us that only privileged Westerners travel to developing countries in the first place, then use them as playgrounds and laboratories for our own enrichment. Only privileged Westerners would consider it a badge of honor to forsake modern amenities for a two-dollar-a-night roach-infested guesthouse. Only privileged Westerners sit around drinking beers at prices the natives can’t afford while sentimentalizing the nation’s lower standard of living and adopting it as a lifestyle…we were kidding ourselves in thinking that we were somehow transcending our Western privileges by doing this "

Since high school, I've wanted to be a missionary...but all I see are Western people going into countries, making it comfortable for themselves and then helping a few people. And they are missionaries! Not to bash on all missionaries, because there have been some in the past and there are some now who have given up everything to serve God where He calls them. The thing is, I want to meet these people. I want to be close to them, to see their hardships and the amazing ways in which God gives them the strength to go on. I know I want to be a missionary, it's a desire put into me by God. However, I don't want to go and not know the cost, you know? I guess I'm seeking in my life to hear from those who have been through this process of giving it all away to reach people and...maybe find a model, someone to lead the way. Jesus was that person...He left the glories and comforts of heaven to live among the dirty, broken, and poor of this world. I guess...I'm just wanting to seek Jesus more. That must be what it is. I want to be like Him if I ever live among the poor. Because we really can't love people and relate to them and fill their needs if we don't know exactly what it is like to be one of them. We must live in these places, giving up everything we've ever known, if we are going to be able to minister to them. This is a truth Jesus knew (He learned their culture deeply before He ever began ministry) and I want to take on that mindset and live the way he did, wherever He puts me. It will cost a lot, we must give up everything to go. We must learn a total dependence on God (I mean, can you imagine getting on an airplane with a backpack full of clothes and then just making your way in a foreign country from that point? God might call you to do that. Are you ready?) I know that I am in a time of preparation at this point in my life...but I want to give it all for God.

Does this make sense, the concept of not having anything to lean on when you become that missionary in the foreign culture? You have to get rid of everything in order to be able to truly understand the people you are trying to reach. 'Cause the money gets in the way, the stuff gets in the way...you don't want them to admire your possessions, you want them to hear your message. Oh, power of God! Fill us up so we can give it all away for you! Fill us with Your Spirit, power from on high. We can do anything if you are the strength of our hearts.

Let us count the cost, remember Your cross and go forth singing. You have made us to be Your messengers, move us O Lord. Let us go!

We wait for You and in You our hearts rejoice for our hope is in Your unfailing love.

Calling to a Generation

Think on this: "And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says, 'I know him' but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may be sure that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked." 1 John 2:3-6

Wow...will you just allow yourself to think on this for five minutes? That's what I'm going to do, just pause and stare at these words for five minutes...and write what I'm thinking--will you do the same?

Comments: okay, first off, what does it really mean to be a Christian? Because if we're figuring out who is a Christian and who is not and we use this verse...we cut a lot of people who attended church out of the picture...
Makes you think: am even I truly a Christian? Do I walk as He walks? Do I know His words well enough, are they deep enough in me, that I follow them throughout my life and find that His love is being perfected in me? For the most part...okay, completely!! I do not measure up! I can think of times when God's words (Scripture) are so a part of me because I'm studying that they are always going through my brain and when I take action I am aware of doing things differently than most because it is right (such as lending a friend a camera worth $1000 for the summer because I am aware that everything I have has been given to me as a gift of God and therefore should be shared freely and not hoarded..and a lot of other times, when I've done or been able to do things I never would have, except that God was moving in my life). Can I honestly say I miss that? I mean, this is the first time in days that I've opened my Bible. I hate that. But so many things grab for our attention, especially in this digital age. I mean, you can spend all day on the internet, so easily...and then that day is gone. Let me analyze what I did today, to my shame and heartbreak: watched an old 1950's sitcom on youtube.com, went on facebook three times, read a couple chapters in a book (after waking up around 9:30 am), made tea, moved a bathtub, walked about 2.5 miles with my siblings and got the mail, read a whole Reader's Digest...you get it, right?

It's not that I was wasting time or that any of those things are evil. I interacted with family, had a good day...but no time for God. No time for me to be alone for five minutes and reflect and let thoughts drop in my head (I'm not even reflecting now, I'm still yammering) The point is, I think we far too easily get caught up in what's going on in our petty, mostly meaningless lives and miss out on the work that God is doing. There are people who wake up everyday to God and say, "I'm yours, use me as you want to. I'm here to serve." I feel as though I am calling to a generation, "RECLAIM YOUR LIVES!" We are such slaves to technology...I know there are people who never leave their computer. Please, live! Make relationships, ones where you really speak with people and let them know what is going on in your heart, relationships where you can look each other in the face and learn to understand one another and be there for one another in the rough times. I feel that's what our generation needs more than anything, that face to face interaction, learning to relate to one another again. Because as long as we're all safe behind our computer screens, we can pretend other people don't exist. We can treat others like dirt and forget love and...do you see where we are going? It's a wide, long dusty path...Come off of it, find the rivers of life and be one with Jesus, abiding in Him. I am preaching to myself here, I feel addicted to being able to stay on the internet all day, I need a change in my own life, a time when I just pause and focus on some of Jesus' words...

Take the time with me, will you? We can't change the world, I know...only the Jesus living in us can do that. Ask Him to be a major part of your life. I'm asking Him...and I know He answers.

I called
You answered
And I'll keep going where You send me
Cause I
Want to be where You are

My whole life I place in Your hands
God of mercy
Humbled I fall down
In Your Presence
At Your throne

In my life
Be lifted high
In my world
Be lifted high
In my love
Be lifted high

-song lyrics slightly altered by me

Dance with Him. Dance for Him. Sing His praise. He's worthy, He's worthy. Remember the cross and cling to the One who thought YOU valuable enough to die for.

I want to learn to walk as He did. Will you join me?

Let Your love become us, Lord.

Our Long Walk

Hope stirs...

It's been a long winter break...they usually are, but this one is especially. My feet were chilled continuously last night, I kept waking up to frozen toes.

Then morning comes (and I sleep in) while the sun rises and beauty abounds (Question: is it still beautiful somewhere even if no one ever sees it? hehe) I woke up and decided to climb a mountain, one I'd been on before a little earlier this break...but I never got to the end of the trail. Today I was going to walk on that path until it ended.

I read "The Long Walk" by Stephen King last night. 100 boys had to march at a certain pace until they all "bought their ticket" (i.e. violated the rules in some way--being too slow, falling down from exhaustion--and were sot by the soldiers traveling alongside them). The only boy sparred was the winner...and by the end, it didn't matter that he'd won. Apparently, this walk was the national pastime of the country and people had bets on who would be the winner. The winner also got whatever he wanted for the rest of his life...that's mainly what drew the boys in...
Brutal book.

Anyway, reading this and reading about "the Crowd"...this crazed entity that was watching these boys march to their death and loving it...I was aware of the stark contrast between the reality of the boys on that long walk and how the way Christians live. See, we're all on a walk in our lives, we're all dying as we go along (as one boy said to the main character "we've been dying all along") it's just that the walk in the book was much more simplified and put into a smaller frame of time...but we are all on this walk, dying as we go. Some die quickly, maybe before life has even started for them and it seems unfair...others are still in the race, but they've been so mowed down by all the difficulties that have come their way that they are no longer truly living or responsive to life around them, they're just still moving forward, who knows why?...others have a long walk, filled with all that life should be filled with, but then it all ends badly...

These boys had terror as the reality of their walk...friends shot down mercilessly...I think many people live this reality. Life just keeps getting worse, until you just have to go numb to all the pain and stop feeling disappointed or you'll explode (several of the boys in the book explode in this way--attacking the soldiers who escorted them, or, in some cases, pleading with the soldiers for mercy). We've resigned ourselves in order to survive. We believe the world is a dark and terrible place where senseless things happen and...what more is there to say?

When this worldview is contrasted with the Christian worldview...we Christians simply look naive!! It seems as though Christians wander through life with their head in the clouds, smiles plastered on our faces as we offer shallow bandages ("it'll be alright, sweetie, God's in control" and "it may look terrible, but God has a purpose for this too!") to those who are experiencing the ravages of war (life can be war, right?) We seem clueless...

...and maybe some of us are...maybe we're stupid and we don't realize what's going on in the world, the enormity of children dying all around because they are unable to have food in their bellies...curse us, if you will. Many of us are clueless. I was.

But then there are nights like tonight when you see beauty in the sky (hence the picture in this blog) and you realize that despite death and destruction all around, life has its moments of joy.

But back to the Christians...

I went on my own long walk today, up the mountain. I kept thinking on that book...I tried to walk fast, like they had to, without stopping...up mountains and along roads where people were driving by like every day...and I finished what I started. I found the end of that trail and even made it home.

You know why we Christians see it differently--it's because our walk is different. The "Crowd" surrounding us is not malicious...it's a crowd of those who have already made it through this race and are now cheering us on. "Fight the good fight!" "Keep going, you can make it!" Christians know that this life is not easy, but we know many have already made it and we can make it too. We have someone fighting on our behalf, someone who knows us more intimately than any other ever could and who has already gone before us. He knows how our lives can be used in the best way possible and we follow Him, even though the path may lead through despair and heartbreak and us having to give more of ourselves than we ever thought possible. We remember that He asked us to pick up our cross and follow Him and so we do it gladly...because He did it first for us.

Maybe that's why we can keep going and even have a smile on our face as we go. We even have songs of praise on our lips, because we know how very much our God loves us (His Son proved this on the cross) and we are thankful.

So we look stupid and some make fun of us...but we are still walking and praising our God as we go. He is in control of what goes on in our lives...we have placed our trust in Him and He is good.
He will lead us home in the end.

O, Christians are a strange lot. Live through us, Jesus!

the beginning

Hmm...a place for thoughts...that's what I wanted...and not just to keep them for myself, but to share. That's how I want to live life--not trying to hoard it all as close as possible like I see so many people doing--but living free. Lending things to those who need it, being a true friend and giving all I can to see that others are safe and able to follow their dreams...

I guess most would call me an idealist, but I've also been knocked down more than I now...not physically, but seeing people dear to me in situations and not knowing how to move...what can I do? They are so far from me and yet I ache for them at times. No one should starve...but some do. It is the reality of our world, but I can't stand it.

And you know, some days, you just want to stop feeling, stop caring...it would be easier. It is a pain--heart pain--to care deeply and it can take a lot out of you.

Maybe that's where this blog comes from...I know--so many people blog--so maybe I don't do this to be read, but rather to help myself see through this time to a future. I am a Christian, one who has read much of the Bible. I know and love Jesus--usually much less than I should--and I know what He promised. So that's where I am--here in the waiting...waiting to see His promises coem through, because soemtimes, that's all there is. Hope. I need hope...faith...and love. May they be evident in my life...and in this blog.

Jesus, live through me. Please.