ahh!! it's been so long since i've gotten to write...feels good. i
mean, i still do write in my journal--just haven't had opportunity to be
on the internets and just blog in forev's...cause when i got a job and
moved out i tried to prevent myself from becoming a lonely drawn into
myself person--hmm, i guess that's commonly called a recluse--by not
getting internet...cause that would make me go out and see people more
and have them over...i don't think it's working: example: i had up
christmas decorations--i.e. really random stuff that my grandma gave me
when she saw me at thanksgiving and remembered i lived alone--and i put
them up...and i took them down...and i was the only one who ever saw
them. hahahahahaha!!! maybe it's only funny to me, maybe i'm actually a
little pathetic--but i'm also really okay with it. honestly, there are
worse lives to live.
it's like the state of my classroom
currently--i'm reorganizing and redoing everything because a grand sweep
before the new school year starts is completely necessary from my
viewpoint: i'm tired of floating by, i'm going to to be very formulated
and planned out in this new year. in any case, to do this, i am
literally reorganizing every bit of beautiful bluish-grey-green carpeted
area that the good Lord has given me at this school. the second day
into it i gazed around and was like--ahh! there's so much more left to
do! but then i had to remind myself: you took on all this--you're reorganizing everything.
it's going to take time. and that's what the Lord has been doing in my
life--stripping away everything that only halfway worked and putting His
heart and His plans and His hope into all those places. it sure felt
like h-e- double hockeysticks (as junior high friends used to say, back
in the day) but He has literally reorganzied everything...i see myself
now and how all manner of things have changed for good in my heart, mind
and actions through this stripping-away process--and i find myself
grateful, really grateful.
He didn't want to leave me
the way i was...He saw some potential...i released control...and He went
to work. it's been crazy...but i love it.
so if you've
worried about me...or stood on the sidelines and prayed...however you
choose to prticipate in my life--it's working. He's good. He sees the
potential, the work it'll take, the end result and He says: "I want to
see you through." And He does.
HE'S GOOD. BELIEVE IT FOR YOUR LIFE, BELIEVE IT FOR YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.
Sometimes what looks like the end is essentially only the beginning: HALLELUJAH.
living in a new year
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