Aahhh...the name of my blog is so perfect right now...Here in the Waiting...
Tonight is a blog night...I just need to get all of it out there and see what happens...
Everything is at a crossroads tonight...I see (again) that my friends all know where they're headed, how they're going to get there...of course, none of it is perfect and there's planning left to do...but they're lucky and they don't see it.
I am Here in the Waiting...
But it's not a bad place. My Jesus, my Friend and Lover, He waits with me. Every mountain could crumble and He'd still be there. He loves me no matter what size I am, what my clothes look like or what I'm doing...and isn't that the most beautiful thing, the thing I need the most?
I have all I need Here in the Waiting...
A lot of people are going to leave me--and I them--in a lot of different ways in the next few months. I have to say some tough good byes, starting next week. I don't want to face it, this new loneliness. But I also won't disobey my Father King when He asks me to step into the dark with Him. I want this to be a time when I am putting all I have learned this year into practice: being content in His love, seeking Him and being faithful to what He's put in front of me, no matter what the outcome might be...you know, it's not about what special programs/things you become a part of, it's about the way you treat the people around you. I can do a million things "in Jesus name" but if His love is not in the middle of it, I have been filling their mouths--and mine--with sawdust...
I want truth to come spilling out of me, beauty...I want God's Word to be put on display and people to know Jesus because He lives in me...I want light to come where there has only been darkness and hope to be a daily part of life: not that we hope in ourselves and what we think we can do, but that we hope in a Creator who had a plan--for me and you--before the beginning of time. And He will see us through to the end, we can count on that...I want THAT to be changing me--and the people around me--every day.
O Jesus, lead me on. All my idealistic high hopes come from You--and You know it! And You move, I see it everyday. Help me be more faithful, more loving, more like You. I have a lot to learn and big shoes to fill; but You said You were willing to teach me and so I said, "Yes." Yes to whatever comes, be it glorious success or breathtaking despair, pain, loss, ache, grief, joy, peace, wondering...I follow You through it all.
Jesus, thank You for being Here in the Waiting.
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