It's been awhile...
I no longer look at life through the same lenses: I had to give them up. I had to come into the new way, all that He had prepared for me.
Brokenness remains: it probably always will. A part of you is never the same after you walk through a season of pain, loss of identity or a deep shake in your confidence: you've been marked forever by what you've gone through...
...and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
You come into hope in a different way. You walk into a room more aware of--living in and out of--your Savior's love. You have to let go of preconceived notions, what others may think of you and all the ways that you know you don't measure up. Those don't serve you any longer. You can't live out of fear. Your old patterns are dead, broken--and you remain...
Free.
It's a new word...and your old patterns fight against it. You almost wish it were easier. Freedom means flight and soaring: all wonderful in theory, but at the end of the day, you (who only know your old patterns) find fear to be the least stressful. Free: that brings connotations that the old patterns really don't like.
But you have to break free (even and especially if no one around you understands it).
It sounds strange, but you have to let God break you.
New flight patterns.
Broken ways undone: there's not even a way to return to them.
The breaking will look different in every life...
...and its necessary for you to move forward.
But it doesn't mean that your old ways won't try to haunt you.
(that's what this song is about: Do It Again, probably why I have it on repeat as I write and was playing it on the guitar before I wrote this blog)
The enemy hates who you are and what you are destined for. And that's okay. That's what he does. But in the places where he finds a breach--or the places where he's constantly trying to create one--there's probably an amazing blessing there for you. If you can endure it--and you can, He (God) has already put all the steps in place, all of it orchestrated by His hands...it may look really messy as you walk it out, but walk it out you shall.
I don't think it was any coincidence that one of the last blogs I put on this site was about breaking off fear in worship. I still fight it: had to face it tonight. But God is faithful to work it through with me. He will never fail me...
He will never fail me.
